MY BRUTAL SCHEDULE

so this isn't 1/70th the fun as a list of all the things that drive me crazy or love or blah blah bleh, but i'm writing this out just one time for a couple of reasons.  which will take on a list format of its own...because i'm a gangsta like that.  always keeping it street for my cats back on court st.

ok.  here are 4 good reasons why i'm putting up my schedule.  

a)  it's not for sympathy, but maybe to gain one mili-ounce of respect and admiration for the blog dedication.  if you want to feel sorry for me or click one more time just for my ego, well then i love you.

why does anyone else even play?  :(

b)  if my writing looks like the american ping pong team going up against the koreans in the early 70's, then i have a legitimate excuse.  98% of the time i write, i'm between my rem state and dying.  also a quick pass for showing zero personality (easy for me) at any given time due to zombie-mode.

c)  if i re-post something that anyone has maybe seen in the past, i gets no flack.  there are times when i come home, look at the keyboard and my hands ball up into little arthritic "i hate yous".

d)  now you can perhaps look at me as some sort of geek superhero.  i realize the odds of this are something like 1/450,000, but i can live with that.  beats the powerball.  

e)  i lied.  here's the fifth and maybe the most important.  i whine about this at least twice a week because i do what i want...but, my motivation wanes here & there...so anyone who wants to lift me up, spread the love or contribute in one way or another would be huge...like my sister's head as a baby.  

SO THAT'S THAT.  i needn't coddling anymore...but here comes the schedule.  

you  (because you have a big beautiful brain) will notie that everyday of the the work week looks the same, (except small thursday asterisk)...i even eat the exact same things by the hour (awesome right?).  my current life is THAT exciting.

(actual size)  (still very scary) 

here come the fireworks darla, put on your big sorority girl shades...

EL HORARIO.

4:15 - 4:30 - wake up, go to gym x
4:30 - 5:30 - lift weights

5:30 - 6:30 - shower, change, eat go to work.

6:30 - 7:30 - army physical training (aka PT for my beloved co-works)

7:30 - 9:00 - shower, eat, dress, go to work.

9:00 - 5:00 - work.

5:00 - 5:50 - get home, eat, change, check online stores, ship stuff

5:50 - 7:00 - go to gym x, run 4-8 miles, maybe do some eliptical if my leg feels like exploding

7:00 - 7:45 - go home, check out the mirror with grave disappointment, shower, dress, eat

7:45 - 9:30 - brainstorm, try to write something that's not miserable

9:30 - 11:00 - bother everyone i know, respond to 5-50 fb messages/updates, skype, make any phone calls, eat, pack clothes/food for next day

11:00 - 12:00 - do 250 pushups/crunches, put a movie on, read the bible

12:00 - pray, crash 

how i feel by 5 or 6 pm.
at least i still have my sticker.  :/

mind you, there is a little wiggle room at lunch where i sometimes pass out...and on occasion i can get away with an hour blog which opens up the eve some for me...but, you get the gist.  add in there a bunch of meaningless twitter updates throughout the day, 100-200 absolutely pointless text messages and a solid hour (this is during work of course) of spacing out (very good at this).

another reason why i wanted to post this was to hold myself accountable for going to the gym at 4:30 because it's not easy or fun.  i actually despise the idea.  but many of you know i'm getting older having just turned 17...so, i have to bust my buns with my beach vacay coming up in 2 months.  i also have a secret motivation burst in my chest that is helping push me.  

i love all of you...some very much more than others.  some of you i love like cauliflower (meh), and some of you i love like cranberry sauce (that's serious).  either way...i want to push out as much literary mess as i can before i deploy and hopefully use the site as a way of updating all of yas once i'm overseas.  holy crumb cakes!

alrighty...i'm sorry if this put you to sleep.  i've already got tomorrow's written (thank you hazmat class) and it's a real zinger.  so off i go to get ready for the morningly punch in the face.  i took the night off to get everything together and press reset...and NOW, i watch a full 43 minute episode of survivor.  i love life.

p.s.  God is good...third degree burns are not (little note of wisdom there).

sleep tight my little potassium peelers, let's go bananas.

XX-sk

OOH! - p.s.s.  take a second to vote on the new baby little poll at the top left so i can milk the cow a little more satisfactorily (a word?).

& i am going to start a new thing at the end of each month to recognize 5-10 friends/family/enemies/lunch ladies/etc called, "______ SHOUT OUT LOUDS".  you get it right? where that little space is, would be MARCH for example.  after march, i would then get crazy and follow with APRIL...etc, there will be a pattern.  on the blog,  i will go about posting a happy little picture of you (so everyone will want your spring fresh youth) and a paragraph as to how you positively impacted my life that month (thru encouragement, commentary, lewd gesture, etc).  :)  it will be the cat's pajamas.  and they will be very sheer.  meeeeeeow...

RATING THE 50 STATES.

although i must confess that i do not have the energy of 70 verile young bulls to write a paragraph of detail logic about each of our great 50 states...i am going to do my best to sum it up here in 1,000 wordsish or less...or more, i really have no idea.  i never pay attention to how much i write.

this is not news.

another although...yes yes, i realize that some states may receive a bit more verbal affection than others, my rating is true to my guts and if you don't believe me...disembowel me and do the math.  there will be a neat little map coated with bile and gastric fluids just for you.  graphic...

but yes, as you all know, i have an opinion of everything which is why i love lists and it's so easy for me to make as many lists as 60's catholic families did kids.   also, i've lived in 5 of these badboys and visited over 30, so it's easy for me to say that my words carry a little bit of weight.  like...a small picnic basket at least.  with wine & chocolate covered strawberries inside...OH!...romance is in the air lovebirds.  spring is around the corner indeed!  but seriously, how are chocolate covered strawberries even romantic?  they seem so awkward to eat and when people feed them to each other on Blind Date, i always feel like i'm watching two shameless zebras having sex at the zoo, surrounded by children or something.  i dunno...ugh.  yuck.  anyhoo...

alas, i shalln't have my typical 40-line opener to prolong the anticipation.  i'm honestly too tired for that and you're too good for waiting.  tell the dmv i said that too...i guarantee results.  if you don't believe me, ask for gladys.

from 1-50 because you know...there really is zero question as to my number one.  the rest is where the questions lie...hmm...are you licking your chops?  sicko...


THE GREAT 50 STATES.  my favorite, on down to the least.

short north is a serious trendster spot
in downtown cbus.

#1)  OHIO.  - before i even get started, chew my shorts.  i can feel your criticisms and doubts through my screen burning laserbeam holes in my retinae!  put your glares away and listen up.  for those of you who aren't so blessed to know how mind-numbingly incredible ohio is, this is your chance to get edumucated.

put your headphones and garden salsa sunchips down my growing little gardeners...here we go.

ohio is the bestest.  ohio has all the seasons, never gets disgustingly hot in the summer...and only gets a wee bit frosty in the winter.  mind you, my father was 10% polar bear and 8% otter (i never thought i would feel comfortable sharing this)...which makes me 9% cold-blooded animal, so i have a scientific edge here.  nonetheless, i enjoy layering clothing and fireplace nights when my family pulls out the air mattress and we see how many of us can spoon at once without falling off.  we call that game "seagulls on the buoy".  no matter.  so that's the weather portion.

ohio university, you make my heart disco dance.

ohio also has the most rollercoasters at one park in the world - cedar point.  including the largest roller coaster in the world.  columbus is pretty much the best thing since the wheel and adult diapers.  people never believe me when i say it, but it's a very young professional, collegiate & artsy kind of city.  the music scene is outrageous.  columbus is the midwest's version of san francisco or seattle i think.  it also has some of the sweetest districts & neighborhoods - and a mall (easton) that feels like an ongoing fashion show with enough good looking people to make any solid 8 or 9 feel self-conscious.  can you even put a price on that???  see more about columbus in my 5 favorite cities post...or i'll never stop.

cinci's bright lights.

cincinnati has some pretty fresh, upscale areas.

ohio has some serious thug passion if you feel like getting shot at or checking your trust and faith in your door locks or window security.  i.e.  see: dayton, akron, lima (where i grew up, seriously), toledo, east cleveland & youngstown (if you choose to visit this last one, i'll seriously pray for you).  every now and then i like to sag my pants, put on 7 or 8 fake gold chains and see how many houses i can walk past before i need to change my undershorts.

lima's really pretty this time of year.

halle berry is from ohio.  she's pretty much elite status.  the black keys rep the O too, and maybe 90% of the hipster music scene loves them right now.  nine inch nails, ulysses grant, the golden voice, jeffrey dahmer, marilyn manson...etc, my keyboard will burn out if i list all of the amazing citizens of this unparalleled state.

ohio university is beautiful (ahh, my sweet sweet school), ohio state university is awesome, miami is nice and bowling green is an absolute pile of trash...so we have variety there.




what else do i need to say?  seriously?  i'm just getting warmed up but i feel like i should move on before everyone begins to detest my beloved state...so i'd best move on.

visiting youngstown?
 run for your life.  

#2 - #50)  EVERYONE ELSE.  that's how much separation there is.  eat my grits.

sorry lori davis, but i liked this moose first.

my apologies if this was about as exciting as trying to fix the ice maker in your freezer...i thought it was fun.  :)
goodnight goodnight, much love to everyone....xx-sk

4 NEW POEMS ft. MYSELF

i've been mega-slacking in the poetry dept. and i feel like i'm letting absolutely nobody down because i'm the only one who reads it...lol.  that being said, this past saturday night, i sat down with my weapon of choice and cranked out a couple of above average poems that all kind of sound the same.  i'd be lying if i said they weren't all inspired by a similar situation.  they're all kinda short & worthless truthfully...but sweet, in the way that your 18 year old cat is blind and walks into all of the walls of the house.

the family cat Buckwheat is 97% human & not blind.

remember, if you don't/didn't know...poetry is my first love, so it's good for me to put this stuff out there regardless if it just rots online and collects massive amounts of e-dust.  i am working on squeezing out a new book the week before i deploy which should be kinda rad - if i can pull it off.  think banana cream pie with all of the chiquita stickers hidden at the bottom of the mess to serve as tokens for inexpensive raffle prizes.  should try that one pretty soon actually.

needless to say, here they are.  i felt tres guilty for posting old material and wanted to one-up myself some and double post on one night...with some fresh mint.

true love lives on strong.

even if no one cares about poetry (because i think the official 2010 u.s. census was that 9 people do...no wait, 8, wayne died tragically in that kolache eating contest)...i triple canine dare you to give these a chance and maybe...MAYBE...big maybe there, you'll like one of them.  it helps a lot if you're listening to whiny music while you read them...especially if it sounds like two teenagers making out in the background, well hidden behind layers of collegiate acoustic guitars.

the four poems are kind of dear to me because i feel like i have a lot on my plate right now with afghanistan looming and big emotions swirling about here & there.  sleep well my buzzing bees.


a)  "TWO BATTLESHIPS"

just pour some concrete into your shoes

it feels like i can no longer keep up with you

light speed princess take it easy on sunday me

i could be falling apart at the seams

it’s your job to show concern of these things

your occupation is to be beautiful and breathe

some oxygen back into me my tank is tracks slipping

the battle has just begun

we’ve mounted all of my strength here on this turret

bad hips and sly fox it’s a matter of time

we can drive with the windows down and the clocks wound back because

we can still get away with it

but tonight let’s let tonight be slower motions

and that’s alright because it’s been one whole life

it’s okay to still be getting it right

and if you let the calculator do the math then you’re sacrificing

chances to sharpen your skills

maybe it’s best to swallow the numbers entirely

heavy iron vitamins to keep the ship sailing depths peoples

courts jest about but cannot touch.

b)  "pretty little landmine"

she is science girl and window shutters

female phenomenon

you feel nice against my eyes

you come in with the morning breezes

you bury me in blankets

you use the pink shovel they had in the girl’s department.

how cute are you?

no,

i do not mind if you rhyme your words

everything you say

will be said just fine.

and i will play along to try to impress you

and 40 years later i will do the same

here, you can have my last name.

everything you say

will be said just fine

even if you are a landmine,

i want to walk with you.

she is the blueprint new development

in my upstairs downstairs.

it’s better that way

your soft back tickles my hard chest

would you have it any other way?

c)  "the balcony inside of my bedsheets"

from here where i hear

you must feel my fears

i want to feel how big your fingerprints

feel wrapped around my shoulder blades

i won’t cut you i won’t bite.

when the clock strikes ten

i will count to eleven

to make sure you have one more chance

to wake up and start your hands over again

it feels like eleven

it has to be ten.

d)  "esquelettes"

every time the sun sleeps

we feel younger than the one before

night falls on shadows i’m crawling for you

hands and knees

hands and knees

sing through ceilings 

fall through floors & walk through walls

without a scratch fingernails backs

French houses

whatever happens is supposed to

don’t let your keen secrets fool you

the skeletons in the closet watch the show

& find out the truths

chateau chateau

i love you so

the poetic inner label (written by moi) of one of our limited
t-shirt designs.

EL FIN...& goodnight.  xx

WHY LOOKS REALLY DO MATTER.

i think i just went sterile.  :(

yes they do. looks do matter. before you say no and x the screen...don't. i'll tell you the secret of why here in a bit.

before i get the train out of the station on this one, i just hope everyone will read this with an open mind. i think it's a message that perhaps we can all take from. very true that there are more than good intentions present here...just so you know. besides, we all know that good intentions end there; intentions. it's what you do that counts. so that'll come in later. no worries, i have your best interests in mind.

first and foremost, i am fully aware that it's what's inside that really counts. the most important part of a person, the centerpiece of a girl or boy is their heart. all the great content of the character rests well in the chest and i'm sure everyone has heard me say this enough that i don't have to go into great detail on the topic. simple & sweet, you have to fall for someone's heart/feelings/emotions to truly fall in love with them. looks sneak into the picture through the window maybe...

so, it is either going to bother you or make you smile and feel confident knowing that looks do matter. you might feel indifferent, but few are on this gem of a subject. it's good that you have an opinion, because i want to help you develop it further. 

here is the number one reason why looks do matter. as much as we'd like to think we're not shallow and we don't care about that thing, sure we do. even we Christian-folk (sounds country or gangster depending on intonation) have to admit to ourselves that we are by nature shallow beings and as much as we'd love to say that looks do not matter at all...they do. if you are still denying the truth, scroll to the bottom of this note and tell me that you could undoubtedly fall in love with and without struggle look past the appearance of John Merrick (the "Elephant Man"...whom i draw a lot of inspiration from). in God's eyes, he is beautiful and perfect, but unfortunately for us, we are all too human to be so graceful in our perspectives. 

in our shallow eyes, everyone is not equally beautiful. sad to say, but painfully true. more importantly, i will say that in my heart, i do my best to love everyone the same...but even God knows i am not capable of that. i will try with all that i am, but it's not possible.

you are not, i am not and we are not God...which is probably a good thing, but that equals us being societal and judgemental by human nature. we can fight for our lives to imitate the heart of the one and only JC, but we'll never see things perfectly.

in a perfect world, everyone would be seen as equally pretty. society would never allow for that.

society is rough. it's a tough life. life is unfair. she's better looking. he has thicker hair. guys find her lips to be more sensuous. girls prefer him because of his heighth...blah blah blah, get over it. you and i, we have the cards that we were dealt. now what? 

take care of what you've been given. that's what. your body is a temple. looks do matter. maybe not in your mind, but here comes the killer. DO IT FOR YOUR SPOUSE/BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND. on your own will and aspirations alone, you should be motivated enough to appreciate and care for the collection of functioning muscles and bones you've been blessed with. if that's not enough, how about the person who agreed to spend their life with you...or who would like to spend their life with you? what about them? 

let's make it more concrete. make it more visceral. strip away all cosmetic and aesthetic views of the matter...is it fair to bring someone into your life, only to give up or become careless (in diet or exercise) to an extent that you're now shaving years off of your time here on earth that they were expecting to spend with you? i would guess most people are saying...well, that's not me. it's not hard to do. if you smoke (disgusting), drink regularly (beer gutters out there), eat fastfood (big mackers) on a consistent basis or just insist on throwing down sugary snacks until your esophagus hurts, then you're most likely going to either be a diabetic, get out of shape and perhaps dangerously obese (over 50% of the American population now) or just pick away at your planet-time bit by bit. that and your fruit of the looms won't look as ritzy as they once did. i won't get started on inexpensive underwear right now. on with the tasty stuff...

"it's my choice, i want to be fat". "i'll be fat if i want to". "i'm beautiful this way (345 lbs)". ok, go get diabetes. tell your hubby or wife that it's all about you now and your health isn't their business. good luck with that. you signed up for a lifetime on earth...don't you think it's fair that they get your best? wouldn't it be a delight to mall walk in stirrup pants (for you foxy ladies) and hold hands with your steed in his suspenders at the ripe age of 80? 

to lighten things up. isn't it just a great bonus when you are very physically attracted to your other half? without some sort of attraction, of course you wouldn't be together...and there is the great theory (which i believe) that when you really love someone, no matter what, they become more attractive in time. i like that. you have to like that, because well...gravity will grab us all and father time doesn't take naps. by traditional standards, we're all going to slip a bit, but by love's standards...it shall go the other way. how fabulous of the Big Man to give us that. i think of it like this...

i will be very old, wrinkly and ugly someday (some would say i have already fulfilled 2 of the 3). my wife (poor gal) will find that dreamy. lucky devil me! 

now all she has to do is put up with my lame jokes which i will tell probably every day until i die, my lack of senses (can cause problems), and my infinite pranks involving hot dogs (i am most excited about this)...and we'll be great! she'll be a real trooper, and she'll be beautiful...inside & out, bonus! definitely. enough about her. 

back to point A. i'm not saying go out and buy enough supplements to start your own GNC franchise until your six pack is bursting through your snowsuit and your arms are the size of Regina (the Canadian providence). i'm saying be good to you, for them. even if you're single and looking...why not start now? 

i hate working out. i'd be a liar if i said it made me happy. i hate it. i'd rather be writing or listening to music and playing with my dog. i'd rather be fishing (so says the iconic bumper sticker). i like to be creative and playful and relax. the gym is none of the three. the thing of it is though, is that i know that my sparkly little bride is out there somewhere and i'm going to give her the best version of me possible. it doesn't have to be a hawaiian tropic body oil contest where everyone counts the suns' glowy beams off of their muscle creases (would smell very coconut-y), but why not be healthy for them? why not be good to what you've been given.

your body was a gift. why don't you treat it better? don't we all take better care of the things given to us by the people we love? so what's the problem here?

the almighty battle against sugary sweets and couch surfing is a nasty one. the contrary though (eating right, working out, not binge drinking or smoking) pays off in spades times infinity. it's worth the challenge. if you're like...wow, i wish i could do that. you can. there's nothing wrong with not wanting to eat right and workout...but there is something wrong with trashing your temple when it's the only one you (and your better half...future or present) have got. 

i have a friend who got married. i won't say her name. this would come off mean, but it's not. it's educational. anyhoo...she married a very nice man. within a year after marriage, he went from being thin, fairly athletic and quite healthy to noticeably obese, quite lazy and undoubtedly less healthy. now i feel bad for her. what does she say? how do you approach that one? honey, you're getting fat? that's not nice, nor is it fair. but he did that selfishly in my opinion. she agreed to spend all of her days with him, and inside (health-wise) as well as outside, he's not even close to the same person anymore. i'm sad for her. of course she doesn't love him any less, but that's not fair to her in my opinion. i'm not being shallow right now. the truth hurts. i'm sure they'll be fine, but i wouldn't dream of doing that to my wife and if she did that to me, i'd be sad. i'll love her unconditionally, but i think the point is making itself clear here. for health reasons alone...this is simple math. 

the order of things...
1. you meet.
2. you are either initially physically attracted or not. (not in a lusty way you mongoloid)
a yes to #2 will only help your chances in getting to #3
3. you have or do not have chemistry.
4. if the answer is yes to 2 & 3 (you rascal!), then bonus!...let's go!
5. if the answer is no to 2 but yes to 3 and you fall for their internals and later find #2 then bonus!
6. hopefully everything works out, you take care of yourselves and grow in love 
7. you don't get in a fight regarding a spending limit on the value menu

rambling a bit, i'll try to wrap it up in saying looks aren't everything. anyone with common sense and a beating heart knows that. but, looks aren't nothing. looks are often times directly tied to your health and if you're not wanting to be physically attracted to someone on the outside, i couldn't imagine wanting to be with someone who is heading toward a shorter life span due to smoking or diabetes or something of the like. you have to have some kind of attraction. now, they owe it to you to take care of that feeling.

if you're someone reading this saying...wow, i have let go a bit...i see what's going on...then go for it. flex your muscles and make a positive change in your lifestyle. if you're someone reading this saying...what a shallow load of B.S., well it's not. fight the urge (it will make you stronger). put down that KFC (ouch) and get off your 6 hour tv-spree butt and take a walk. STOP DRINKING LIKE A TEENAGER ON THE WEEKENDS. 

grow up & take care of your body. you get one. it was a gift from God. don't worry about posing for the November Men's Health spread, just honor your blessing. 

and remember, if you have any intentions at all to marry, or if you already are...whats yours is hers/his and whats his/hers is yours...so be fair. give your best self & everyone will benefit in the long run. come to think of it, i bet Jesus loves a good marathon...heck, he might have had 18" inch biceps beneath the old robe.

now, don't be offended. think about the big picture...lasting forever and go hard. be brave about your lifestyle.

if you want to guarantee good looks, get this cut today.

MY 5 FAVORITE CITIES

mind you, i've yet to lap the entire globe (patience, i'm only 19)...but i've dipped my toes in some nice sand & soil around the world.  okay, so this isn't one of the funny, pick apart critiques, but it's nice to just talk about something that makes me happy once in a bit.  for example, if i write about wal-mart, poodles & subway in back-to-back-to-back nights...i'm just going to get cranky.  and nobody likes a grumpy gus.

besides, some of you good-lookers & stamp-lickers are traveling types and who better to take advice from than someone who knows everything!??!?  seriously?  ask yourself that.  ask it.  do it.

haha.  okay, so this is basically a mini list of some of the bestest everest places to go and some things to do there besides wear your favorite hawaiian shirt, go to the hard rock cafe (& get a t), guzzle tons of beers in dumb, tall-shaped glasses & hook up with everything of the opposite sex that moves (ambitious).

said bon jovi poster

i'm sure i'm leaving some true gems out of this diamond mine, but my head is still unraveling from interrogation after interrogation and truth be told...all i want to do right now is eat 5lbs. of chicken enchiladas, while getting a massage from east german helga, while drinking unfortunate amounts of diet rockstar (CEO name: Russell Weiner, no joke, look it up) and listening to andrew belle live, but we can't always have what we want can we?  a free bon jovi poster wouldn't hurt either.  regardless.

here are my cities.  if you have further questions because you're lining up a romantic vacay or just need an excuse to blow a few thousand...email me and ye shall receive response little cave dwellars.  however, if you do not love them, as always...feel free to come get some @ 2700...etc. etc. Texas and i will arm-jello-wrestle you for dominance...and i'm not even sure how that's going to work.  so let's not push it eh?


LAS CIUDADES.  (that's "cities" in spanish for you inbreeds.  just kidding, i know your parents weren't related prior to your making  :)

ok, ok.  in no specific order.

table for two, brain-numbing romance.

wilmington, nc.  - there's something laid back & cozy about wilmington.  it's like being rocked to sleep by your sweet grandma while you're still in your 30's and there being nothing wrong with it.  on top of that, and VERY MUCH detached from that thought...there is a definite romantic vibe there.  it's right on the cape fear river and the boardwalk is laced with some pretty awesome shops.  not like those ones that sell 50,000 different tshirts that all say i (heart) given destination in 9 billion different fonts.  that math doesn't even add up...that's how lame that is.  but i do love wilmington.  it doesn't hurt that i got to be on dawson's creek there (season 3 ep. 1...yeah honey!), but the scenery is just so dang nice.  double bonus, i almost forgot.  the best pizza my face ever gobbled up is there.  Slice of Life Pizza.  oh man.  i ate until it hurt...and i only do that when i mean business.  the best view in the city is a balcony table for two at Riverboat Landing...gently lit at night with a nice menu.  maybe the most romantic restaurant i've ever eaten at actually.  hmm...either way!  go there!

when the sun goes down, get your juicy lips out.

santa cruz, ca. - santa cruz is like falling asleep in a hammock after having 5 too many mojitos, getting a free spa package, and being sponsored by billabong.  i'm not crazy about the billabong part, but the culture is exceptional.  like wilmington, santa cruz has a serious boardwalk as well but with a more energetic, young vibe.  and, the carnival craver in you would possibly say it's more legit because it has rides.  ever see the nickelodeon show Rocket Power and want to go to that park by the water?  eh?  that's what santa cruz is like, only the real thing.  it's right on the egde of the PCH (pacific coast highway/highway 1) as well so you know the views are worthy of fine wines and expensive cheeses.  mind you, i did not care for san diego or san fran much at all...so my heart for santa cruz is seriously legit.  what to do there?  just be a love renegade and make out through the entire sunset.  bring lots of lipgloss...that's actually kind of challenging.  if you have a cold or asthma, just do what you can.

paris, france. - call me cliche' if you like, but vive le france mon petit gâteaus!  this city man...i feel like i'd be here all night describing it.  paris is like having a permanent honeymoon on a catwalk while some skinny guy with a five o'clock shadow named Jean-Phillipe paints your every move with his accordian while his ex-girlfriend Verily feeds you crepes by hand.  i know that's not possible.  that's just what it feels like.  anyway, paris has everything.  paris is breath-taking everyday and i don't care what you say...they generally like americans.  i was treated like a king while i was there, and i even wore colors.  anytime someone goes out of country and chooses london or italy over france, i want to shake their newborn babies because they're missin' out!  i have to cut this short or i'll go forever.  just stay in montmartre, walk everywhere, don't pass on the mona lisa...she's eerily cool, dip into all the boutiques, eat piles of gnutella crepes, smile at everyone you pass, check out voltaire's tomb as well as oscar wilde's, umm...oh i could just go on and on.  it's too much.  i would live here in 2 seconds.

columbus, if you were a human being, i'd marry you.
m or f.

columbus, oh. - you did see this one coming right?  if not, you don't know me!  you don't know me!  you don't know my lifestyle!  middle finger!  (picture me dropping all of that while coming down a staircase on the maury povich show because i need teen bootcamp).  speaking of which, being in the army (crafty transition), i am constantly trying to educate and convince people that cbus is the bee's knees...and very few catch the ohio capital fever.  cbus feels like more than just home to me.  mind you, i've lived all over the u.s. and traveled a few countries...but still, still cbus has a special place in my chest that will never go away.  it has every kind of neighborhood or district you could ask for, ritzy, artsy, family, trendy, quiet, pompous, in-between, hood fabulous, college flavored, etc. etc.  it has everything.  fantastic people watching at a few of the best malls in the country, the osu campus is downtown, huge & has some incredible buildings, every good band ever comes to cbus because it's kind of scene-ish, and for a city with over a million people, the traffic is never bad at all.  donato's pizza is street lethal and of course the Bluejackets games are always cheap, fun to attend and in the up and coming arena district.  i love you cbus!  absolutely moving back november 2012...barring death overseas or hardcore POW status.  :)

pack your x-small speedo, and that is it.

isla mujeres, mexico. - yes, it is like a vacation spot, but people do live there.  and so can you.  this is an itty bitty .5 x 2 mile island strip off the coast of the yucatan and it tastes like twizzlers meets audrey tautou in your mouth.  sorry if that doesn't do much for you.  i like twizzlers.  anyway...isla mujeres is incredibleness.  the island is small enough that it doesn't feel like a steamy shoebox, but large enough that you can walk around it and get lost once or twice (because i sure did).  i extra like it here because it's a 30 minute fairy ride from cancun and i loathe cancun as it is like america pt.2 and there's nothing that rubs me the wrong way more than leaving the country just to be surrounded by the exact same stuff somewhere else.  well, there are some things...but i could never see going to cancun and being swarmed by american tourists, senor frog's and mexican mcdonalds when paradise is minutes away.  isla mujeres has crystal clear water, a few sleek hotels and some gnarley (yes, gnarley) beahcfront cafes and taverns to chill at while the sun dives back into the ocean.  super friendly people and no worries at all.  i'm considering going here in 2 months...but i need to do some homework and find a co-pilot who has the $$$.  creepy bonus that actually hurts to admit:  i saw an 8-9 months pregnany topless woman here last time i went.  totally threw me off.  kinda felt like i kidnapped some guy's donor sample and hi-fived his wife on my way out of the building??  i dunno...ehh...weird.  hotel secreto...ohhhhhhh baby.  i think that's where i'll stay.  yesssssssss.  last second bonus! - i love mexicans!



of course this list will ebb and floe with the glacial travels of my life, but for now...this is it.  i think my link works up in the tag section that shows all of the places i've been...but i'm not sure?  it says, TRAVEL.

maybe another day i'll write where i can't wait to go...but for now, this is it!

xo's to all of you...even if you're slacking on your hair styles or high quality undergarments.



honorable mentions:
barcelona/sp, chaska beach/oh, athens/oh, playacar/mx, merida/mx, coeur d'alene/ut, versailles/fr, beaufort/sc, los gatos/ca, paradise valley/az

schiller park in german village, columbus, oh

TOP 10 WORST CANDIES EVER.

Hot Tamales = the sweet fruit of the gods!
(reppin' old school box = +4 cool points)

even though i am no longer much of a candy gobbler, i am by no means oblivious to the fact that there are still a lot of sweets out there that just suck. this is my bold-faced attempt to desecrate those sugary delights that i never thought deserved space in my 99 cent, plastic handled pumpkin on october 31st. even though there is still very much a side of me that holds great resentment to "those people" who handed out apples & five pennies at halloween, in my elder years, i am at least grateful that they didn't taint my bag'o'goodies with these unacceptable, barely edible sucrose creations. 

which makes me think...does anyone else have a grandma or a friend who makes a Christmas tin of assorted cookies where the good flavored, tasty ones are forced to mingle with the sick and odd ones...which results in a peanut butter cookie that tastes like a cherry coconut piece of trash? tangent. 

anyhoo...here are the unfortunate and socially disgraced top 10 worst candies ever. i do my best to explain my logic. if you disagree, then you are wrong. haha...all this coming from a guy who can't taste a thing. whatever...26 years of tasting experience lends me the credibility to write this minty fresh gem. 


the top 10, from bad to worst. 


10. Sour Patch Kids. 

i know i'm going to step on some major toes here but hear me out. A: besides the red, they all suck. only a select few oddballs really LIKE orange, green or yellow (almost no one) and B: after a couple of handfuls, these frosty kids will destroy your tongue and the roof of your mouth...especially if you're more of a sucker than straight chewer. 

9. Candy Canes. 

nothing is more depressing than associating one of my favorite holidays ever with one of the most worthless candies ever. every time Santa Clause gave me one of these as a child, i wanted to punch him for being tasteless and inconsiderate. nowadays, i just think they suck...and that very few actually enjoy them. plus the hook in the cane always makes for sticky and awkward facial contact.

8. Jujubes. 

If you care AT ALL about your teeth or dental work...STAY AWAY. FAR AWAY. these ruthless little goo dots will rip your fillings out faster than you can chew a rare steak.

7. Good & Plenty.

these are just gross. i always see them at the movie theater and think about how bad they smell and how the word plenty is in the name because there's far too many to actually consume. the candy shell confuses me as well.

6. Maple Nut Goodies. 

i think my bizarre stepdad is the only person in the world that still likes these. to me, these are the quinessential old people candy. it's like, i'm going to give you something healthy (a nut) and coat it in some sick and unidentifiable tan coating. they feel kind of clayish too.

5. Peeps.

seasonal. disgusting. i've only met one person in my life who likes these. unacceptable. shameless.

4. Necco Wafers. 

pastel chalk discs. there's even brown ones. SICK.

3. Circus Peanuts.

if the color alone doesn't give you the shakes, the consistency will. these wretched delights are reserved for only the oldest of old school sweet tooths. my grandpa really likes these. they're like a vomitous colored little sponge in your mouth that taste like who knows what? what in the world do these taste like? why do they feel like a memory foam pillow in my mouth? just terrible. terrible.

2. Candy Corn. 

they are seasonal for a reason people! i have probably argued against the favor of candy corn between 15-20 times. i've probably never gotten into more arguments about any other single thing in my life. first off, they're ugly. they're like wax teeth to me. they're not even pure wax (like a starburst)...they're a mix of like, 80% wax and 20% grainy sugar. that's horrible. they have no specific taste because all they taste like is sugar. they're highly inexpensive because they're cheap as dirt to make and they taste like it. if you like candy corns, shame on you. seriously...shame on you.

1. the orange and black things. 

this one actually almost makes me angry. if you're 100 years old and you give me these on halloween...i am flat out furious. i say this because i noticed a serious trend in the senior citizens of our fine society handing this satanic candy out most. i don't care if your parents ate dinner on the regular with john smith and pocahontas...there is no acceptable reason to give these out. they're something like 99 cents for a 10lb. bag and it blows my mind that they're even in business still. no one knows what they're called because everyone throws them away as soon as they get home. to me, giving these to nice children is almost as bad as gifting them illegal drugs. these are the strongest slap in the face when it comes to candy giving. i'm getting angry just writing this. i have to stop because my blood pressure is most likely rising. i hate this candy. it doesn't even have a proper name!!!  FTW!!!

handing these wretched hell nuggets out at halloween is the literary equivalent of saying, "F YOU" to the innocent trick'er treater.

now that i have this off my chest, i hope some of you contribute with your thoughts and opinions. it's important to me that i leave no disgusting sweets off of this list. if i've offended you and slammed one of your faves...bring it. i can back up my gangster talk anyday when it comes to sucky candies. 

honorable mention: charleston chew, zero, the pink chalky things, red hots, mary janes, sno caps & peppermint discs. 

i dunno on this one JC.  we need to talk.