15 SWEETHEART NICKNAMES NO ONE ELSE HAS.

don't get me wrong...there is nothing wrong with a classic, "honey", "dear", "peanut butter sunshine" or even (my all-time favorite), "sausage gobbler".  but after a while...you know, you want something new.  classics are great because they're always around, but i know i strive for originality (not like circus-employee worthy) and i wouldn't want my own beloved sugarpie to feel un-unique in any way...other than that she has 2 eyes, ears, legs, etc.  not that deformity or extra toes is a bad thing...it's all reference anyway.

on with it.

this is bjorn.  you'll understand in five
thin minutes.

so to keep your terming of endearment fresh like georgia peach, i'm providing you all 15 un-used, not yet taken by anyone in the U.S. (or most of western Europe) for your used and one-of-a-kind pleasure.  of course there is a chance that multiple individuals are going to use some of these the same, but i am at least giving you a couple freebie starters & ideas to get your gushy gears grinding.

it is important to stress the importance that we not all call our wives/hubbies/gf's/bf's/promdates/rent-a-dates the same thing.  i say this in a 9% serious tone for one reason.  maybe it's just me, but when i find someone who really makes my clock tick...who melts my butter to the bones, they simply acquire some weird new nickname...because they have found that place in my fat pumpy heart.  well, i want you and yours to have that too.  because it's awesome.  it's actually more awesome than the first time i went to school with hair gel in (4th grade).  can ya believe it???  true story.  there'll be a movie out about it soon.

ok, and oh yes.  i also have to say that nearly every term of endearment is a cuisine-flavored reference to something sweet tasting.  well, since we all know relationships aren't sweet 100% of the time (unless you dated me in the late 90s...haha)...i'm climbing out on a tree branch and extending the scale onto another series of foods...that aren't so sugar-loaded (low in carbs as well, so chomp chomp!).  mind you, i get a pass on one or two because i'm in a hurry and shooting all of these love-clays off the top of my head.

i don't want to pump my fist without some evidenced experience...so here is my resume'.  my ONE ex alone had at one point some 10 or 20 n-names i called her on the reg.  including, but not limited to

*chocoiste
*choo choo
*choco
*chocobunny
*cinna choo
*mothergoose
*hot cross bunz
*sausage gobbler
*banana cream pie baby eater
*BCPB
*meat lover's pizza
*queen gobbler
*etc., and more than i have time to remember...

so let the fun begin dimple chin!

1.  salmon-blast.™ - perfect for the seafood lover or someone who has an inordinate amount of pink clothing in their wardrobe, or both.  bonus - i have a thing for fish references.  not to be confused with sonic's new ice-cream/fish blended treat!

2.  pasta-accident.™ - this is really only acceptable when used with someone who is clumsy & at least 50% italian in heritage.  if you try it with someone who is not, it will feel wonky and everyone's going to laugh at you in public.

3.  nightmare-cobbler.™ - a fresh swing on the infamous "sausage gobbler".  ideal for someone who has a lot of bad dreams about eating blueberry bread pudding.  also not bad for someone who was a terribly-behaved child and grew up in a pastry shop.

4.  bone-a-marrow.™ - i don't understand this one.  if you call someone this though, i can't imagine not getting a touch of respect for awkward points.  sounds like bow & arrow?  maybe just the right fit for diehard, lifetime William Tell fans?  why not bone-sparrow?  oh man...that's a great alternative.  4b.  bone-sparrow.™

5.  zebra-skinner.™ - look, don't use this one too loudly in a PETA rally.  it's not what it sounds like.  this one might offend a bit, but the truth is...there is nothing more ideal for this nickname than someone who is in love with a bi-racial individual (you).  let's face it, bi-racial people are generally nicer looking and have better skin.  now you get it right?  and now i must consult my lawyer...hah.

6.  banana bread hellcat.™ - for the extra feisty.  this goes well with a dabble of margarine and one who does not like to conform to carb counting.  must be 120lbs. or more.  no exceptions.  this one might be my personal favorite...so i might take it back.

7.  cashew-brains.™ - for the elitist.  this person is above the peanut, the almond (even though they're actually equal S.O.S), the macademia & the brazilian.  they think they are smarter than you, their entire high school class ('02 woo!) & everyone at your local bus station.  the nerve.

8.  le party-favor.™ - it's important that this not be taken in the, everyone gets to have fun, pass it around kind of way.  great for an extremely giving gal/guy with a wildstreak the size of the colorado river.  added appropriate points if they have french descendants.

9.  hate-container.™ - this one hurts me to type because i would never in a million years consider calling anyone such a thing...especially someone i kiss before i go to the work!  but, in some instances, this can be used in play...and works terrific if you happen to be snuggling up with a Tupperware sales rep.

10.  grass-hatchet.™ - primarily should be used for a male-type (see how i said "male-type" and not guys?...i've met some interesting "gals" in ft. hood) who loves spending time in the yard with his beloved bright green blades.  a great way to make someone feel encouraged and loved when they're slaving in 115 degree heat over a push mower while you're chilling on the couch watching Power Rangers™ re-runs.  use cautiously...and do not abuse or it will lose its positive effects.

11.  charm-goggles.™ - this is  a nice one.  preferred for those who want to think they look like a 9 or 10 when in reality they're more like a 5 or 6.  careful here.  using this nickname will instantly add 2 pts. to  your very own looks and could end up permanently brainwashing your darling on accident.  sounds nice, but could backfire in a public audience.  it's best to just be aware of the truth.

12.  chief-cotton candypants.™ - if i had to tag myself with one of these, it might be this one.  this one is designed VERY specifically for someone who has a passion and deep interest in native-american (or meso-american) history and at the same time is very very very affectionate.  that being said, it is then obvious that a TRUE c-ccp is a hard gem to find.  please try not to sling this one around too loosely...it will lose its integrity quickly if so.

13.  potroast-face.™ - this will come off negatively at first, but really it's just for a genuine carnivore who has the face of someone who is always dying for a medium-rare steak.  duh - on the no-use list for vegetarians and those who only sort of like medium-rare steaks.  sorry to limit...it is the way it is.

14.  zipper-goblin.™ - if my mom is reading this, it's for people who love the three letter combo of YKK.  if she's not this is for those of you who can't keep your filthy little mits to yourself!  you know who you are!  this one is fairly generic in that way and i expect it to spread like wildfire in a dry san diego heat.

15.  calorie-swallower.™ - this one is just mean.  nobody's in perfect shape...so don't use it please?  i don't need some 345lb. swedish meatball in leather Jesus sandals named Bjorn beating my head in because his candy girl isn't polite enough to choose from the other 14.

a classic hate-container™ snapshot.  tread carefully!

and that is all my taco lovers & back rubbers.  i have some things to do (namely finish a new very excite paris-flavored painting)...and must run.  if you like this, tell your friends.  if you know ANYONE who is stuck to the oldies and needs a dash of spice in their nickname stew...pass it along.

the harsh truth.  the blog is kicking my butt.  the thing is, it's picking up readers by the day...so i'm inspired.  i'll make a very special post soon about how brutally busy my life is...but for now, i'll simply say that i'm thriving on encouragement and consistently growing views.  i need all of your happy little hearts & minds to continue to spread the love though.  after 16 hour days, it's hard to continue to get up for writing...but i'm doin' it dag nabbit!  thanks for keeping me going.  it might not seem like much, but trust me...every bit matters to me.  :)

go eat something yummy now and call your cupcake something other than...cupcake.

it's a good time to be in love everyone!

xx-sk

WE NEED CHEMISTRY & PASSION IN KISSING.

japanime love.  kissing skulls is the new
kissing real live faces.

because valentine's day has passed and cupid is very much blessing the air around us with his fine archery skills, i've decided to post an old classic. this sparkly little gem too is from "electronic Vietnam" (the mostly poetry, some essay book) and may open your crusted and sometimes frozen heart (if you're my sister...haha sam) a bit. i hope you like it. read it, steal all the ideas, if they're better than your aluminum foil robot vday box was, make them yours, go find someone who looks at least one point better than you on a scale of 1-100 and kiss their face over and over. make sure you love them though...drat it. :) strange lovin' is empty lovin', we all know that! alrighty...here goes.

sorry if this isn't a laugher...sometimes i take a break and let my passion points do all the talking.  tomorrow, i shall present a glorious list. 
perhaps my 10 least favorite animals!
on with it...
on fast kisses and the electricity side of things
==============================================


electricity and true love are closely related, but not the same.

electricity is the difference between a passionate relationship and one that is good, full of nice kisses and genuine hugs that well demonstrate love for each other. electricity is the wild kiss that was building up when you met in public that day because it just worked out that way. electricity is the tidal wave inside your chest that won't slow down or lose steam for anything.

you will find this so few times in your life. there has to be a million unique chemistries that intertwine just right. there has to be two people. there has to be two people who are willing to let go.

i had this discussion today. for the most part, i am a slow kisser. i like slow kisses and i think they generally carry more meaning; they send a message saying that you want to be there. you do not want to rush this moment because everything from your head to your heart is complacent and burning. you take your time in a kiss because you want to be against this person more than anywhere in the world at that very moment. there is so much love in these...so much truth passes through kisses. slow kissers are reading this and saying yes, yes, yes. the electricians are saying they will speed up...and i will tell you why. 

kissing is more than lips touching.

i learn a lot from a kiss. i learn a lot from where a girl puts her hands when we kiss. if she touches your face, she means it.

i talk like i've locked up half of the state in the last year (yikes). the truth is, i have kissed one girl for so long, i sometimes forget that it will change. but that's okay...because it was meant this way. part of the reason why i know this is because my slow kisses haven't evolved into too many fast kisses of late. or forever it seems. i want to burst at the seams...but who doesn't? everyone does. be patient and wait for him/her...he/she is out there. 

what does it mean that my slow kisses haven't become fast kisses? why does it matter? what in the world? i am tired of this already? don't be...it's important. if the electricity is missing, so is something bigger. if you haven't felt the chills or the shakes or the tingle in forever, then it's not actually the physical side of your relationship that is struggling. most likely, your hearts are cold or frozen solid or perhaps drifting like floes...(to keep the ice theme going). i think it's funny when couples seek therapists because there sex life is down. don't get me wrong here. i am not married...i am not solely discussing sex here. a physical love life is critical. the thing is though, true intimacy stems from your emotions.

your physical love life; your electricity comes from your heart.

if you truly love someone...you've met the person for you, there is a good chance you won't have to worry about having great intimacy. real excitement comes from your chest and when it does, it's like a flood.

if you are worried about your relationship, maybe you should cut all physicality and focus on your heartstrings. a lot of young couples (and old i suppose?) use sexuality as a crutch in relationships that would otherwise have little to no fire. how sad. how true. almost everyone knows what this is like. what an empty canyon to try to stay warm in.

i guess what i'm saying in short is that if the relationship has true love...the signs to last forever, you shouldn't have to worry about this lacking. the lightning bolts and uncontrolled currents should be there day-by-day, and not disappear for months at a time. i have felt both. it takes a while to accept that the storm (the good one) is not coming back. it's easy to feel it at first...it's not to feel it at last...as in always. as in on a random day a year later, or ten. if it is not there, chances are IT is not there.

fast kisses. i said i would get back to them. what they mean. how they come about.

maybe it's just me but these fast kisses...and i don't mean the one second peck you gave your crush in 1st grade...but the movie-style scorchers that seem rushed and charged and almost unrealistic. they're not unreal. in a way, but not so. they are real, but they never feel like it, because they're that incredible.

the fast kiss...the escalating kiss that gets faster is a product of passion. you can't have this kiss without passion. the kiss that might have started out slow but just keeps getting faster and faster because all you want to do is multiply the friction of your lips as soon as possible to possibly get even more of the electricity running through your veins. the impatience to repeat the best physical feeling ever even though it's still going on and it seems that it may never stop. how does that even make sense? it doesn't...but it's gorgeous right? to try to speed up something blistering on a continuum? this is dizzying.

when you're kissing someone so fast and hard that you're wondering if you just might, or could you possibly absorb them into your body? i am laughing at myself, but i have thought of that before.

i haven't had a kiss like this in what feels like a century, but i'll never forget what it feels like. how personal of me to share...it's okay though, because it adds to the honesty of the concept.

anyway, it's a sign. as time goes by, the kisses will tell more truths. at first it's always exciting and fun and "meant to be" because dangit...that was a good one. one year later...can you say the same? do you feel the shivering behind your ribs? are you trembling because his mouth grazed your chin? are you closing your eyes so tight because you can't figure out how something can feel so good? personally, i shake when my heart is in overdrive. my whole body shakes uncontrollably and even a hug can trigger it. when i know something is real, i shake. nature tells few lies. so when i'm married, and i'm still quaking at 40...i'll thank la naturaleza for reminding me that my wife still "has me". 

if i could explain why i'm writing this i would. i guess my current status and eagerness for an electric relationship (starting with faith and the Lord as a foundation of course) after too long of the opposite has me wanting to share something i feel is important. 
don't ignore the kiss. don't "wait" on the electricity to come. it is there, or it is not. you can't buy it in stores and you can't design it in a lab...you have it or you don't. i personally would rather die than be in a long-term (or life-long) relationship without this. chemistry has no price. love has no price. a life spent wanting the same exact person just as bad every single day has no price. 

find out everything you ever wanted to know about them. create your foundation on meaningful values, principles and morals. make out like crazy. if the kisses don't take the shape of impatience, then maybe your relationship doesn't have the fuel to speed up. there is obviously so much more to love and relationships, marriage and what not...but these lightning bolt connections are a fabulous product of real passion.

do not overlook passion. it has to be there.
do not overlook passion. it has to be there.
do not overlook passion. it has to be there.

i can't imagine a true love, authentic, meant-to-be marriage not having this. it just can't be.

put your lips on his/hers. he/she will shine the same in time if it is all meant to be. the one-year-later kiss could spell out so much. i want electricity. i do not want comfort and plain physical attraction. i want the deep-rooted stuff that goes down through the esophagus to the lungs and heart and i want to run out of breath because i don't want to take my face away from hers. i want to care less about her flu. i want to tremble and wonder "what is going on"? i want to make a night of it...

i want to HAVE to take a break. 

i want my heart to explode because all i'm doing is making out with the love of my life. and it can stop right there for now. i am not settling for less. you shouldn't settle for less. it exists...don't kid yourself. find those sparks. get torched by the guy or girl of your dreams. throw caution to the wind and love each other forever. set the world on fire. 

electricity is important. real electricity comes from real love. what is speeding up or slowing down?

is there chemistry?

where are you? did the last one last? be true to yourself and ask these questions. we are not so unpredictable afterall.

checking the wires of things, the electrician knows best.

SATAN'S 6 PART-TIME EMPLOYERS.

i know that i CAN be a bit of a critic at times (self-knowledge +1), but sometimes my pink little ponies, it is more than necessary.  in this instance, i have taken it upon myself to bring about a certain awareness to the people i love, like, kind of like, am not real sure of, and care about most.  that being said, what i am referring to my non-horned/non-arrow-tailed friends is the part-time employers of our least favorite ruby red skinned devil, the godfather of nasty business...satan himself.

"hi, i was calling about the 9-5 opening
on the grill?  is it ok if i work in a cape?"

i feel like i should caveat myself (caveat...eh?) by saying that i like a lot of things and when i do like something...i super like it.  on the flipside, when i dislike something...or something rubs me the wrong way (think sandpaper on my babysoft skin)...i super dislike it.  i tend to reserve the word "hate" strictly for condiments (mayonnaise, mustard & ranch primarily)...so i might fight that temptation off for now.  besides that's a whole 'nother list listers!  i wonder if there is a lister out there who uses Listerine just for the name?

regardless...

if i don't get the bowling ball rolling here i'll never get my turkey...and i'm hungry for protein, so i best move about.

the gist of the list is:  establishments that i HEAVILY HEAVILY dislike for one reason or 97 (subway).  mind you, i shall substantiate my claim with purpose, so as not to be a whiny, baseless jerkface.  mind you pt.2...this is a slamfest, but we all have to vent once in a while right?  :)

alas! - beelzebub's minimum wage hideouts...in no specific order.  

the villains.

i knew it!

1.  wal-mart.  - "the easy target".  i understand that they're always "rolling back prices"...and they have made their logo a jolly little sun thing, but listen here.  if i want to feel like i'm at the auglaize county fair (think, 8 full-size, single-wide trailer parks exploding in a 2 mile radius all at once) while trying to buy my beloved craisins & 5 dark cherry light yogurts...then this is where i'm going.  mind you, some wal-mart locations have a slightly less-...uh..., less-hygienically-challenged clientele than others...but for the most part, every cretin in society generally finds their way to none other than the WM.  on top of all of this, they're trying to take over the world & before you know it, china (98% of everything sold there is made in china) will be running it...and then it will be called something like Hong-Dong-Shlong-Mart.  and that's almost offensive.  i'll spend the extra $5, salvage my soul and shop at H-E-B, where i've learned to wait patiently in 3.5 hour lines.  small sacrifice.

*satan is your favorite door greeter!...he reels you in with the cart handover and hook line sinkers you with the minimal savings! 

there is no better way to say "i hate
you" than to take someone to
applebee's.

2.  applebee's.  - "the wal-mart of sitdown restaurants".  i don't care if you like their chicken fingers.  if you want to spend $9 on a basket of average chicken fingers and ten cent fries, then let me know and i'll cook for you in a neon yellow spandex tuxedo.  and before you doubt, yes i have one (mind you it's two sizes too small but everything finds a place to "work" its way in).  the thought of taking a nice lady on a date to applebee's makes me want to jam rusty salad forks in my gums.  talk about a slap in the face!  nothing says i have no taste like eating at applebee's.  and i don't care if you like their cobb salad either.  i have to move on because the thought of lunching at satan's fave diner is actually making me upset.  i am honestly getting upset thinking about applebee's.

*satan was your top server (now training & shift manager) & knows how to use three "spice" words to help sell each of your $2.50 meals for 10x their price & quality.  devil deeds.

ha!  i'd rather eat my neighbor's overweight
housecat for free!

3.  subway.  - "the scamwich artist".  this might make me sound cheap but i don't care because i'm not.  sometimes when it comes to unoriginal restaurants i can be...especially since i have no taste or smell, but that's a moot point.  i persist.  SUBWAY (look i typed it in bold to project a deeper, sarcastic voice and www-style eye roll)...SUBWAY, is just wrong.  look, the last time i ate at subway it cost me almost $13.  $13 for a piece of garbage, d-rated sandwich that i could've made on my own!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  are you angry yet???  mind you, i got a flat 20 oz. beverage and a 1 oz. bag of sun chips to go with (value meal!!!  WATCH OUT!!!)...but wow.  just wow.  if i want to go pay 10+ for a sandwich with perfectly counted ingredients (danny...4 cheese triangles!?!?  YOU'RE FIRED!) ...then i'll buy all the imgredients on my own, and make 8 of them instead.  what a hoax.  eat fresh my banana hammock.  i'd rather eat a pile of dead iranians...and that's by all means socially unacceptable...in most civilized countries...anyway.  ok, i'm saying it.  i hate you subway.  i want to change your little bmt makers titles from sandwich artists, to rape artists...and now you've made me look like the bad guy.  i hate you subway.  i hate you so much. 

*satan sells (scams) more "(would you like) double meat & cheese than anyone on the staff and gets artist of the month on the reg!  double meat?  your double meat is like, half meat!  pile it on nazi!

yes i can hear you now & i don't like it!  and i
don't like you!  i don't even like your jacket!

4.  verizon.  - "the can you hear the monopoly and over-priced service now brain-washing machine".  i strongly strongly dislike verizon for these main two reasons.  1.  they're trying to gobble up the entire cell phone industry in the U.S. and nobody else sees it...AND, they're doing it with outrageously priced plans.  and people refuse to switch!  the carnia!  why???  AND...verizon users (mind you, i know i'm an advocate of sprint, but wait, listen)...verizon users back it like it's the best thing since prosthetic limbs!  my verizon friends pay like...for the most part, $100+ a month for cell service, defend it like it's their mother's famous tuna casserole recipe and brag about their signal all day.  well i think your signal sucks...lol, AND, i don't care if you're getting 4G too...everyone has it now.  you were late on it anyway.  and on top of all of that (this coming from a serious Mac fan & user)...i don't care if you're getting the above average iPHONE!!!!!!!!  every phone is smart now, and almost all do the same thing.  man, i'm getting flustered.  i shouldn't have written this one after a rough work week.  i don't swear, but eff you verizon.  brainwasher.  it's working...and i don't like it.  

*satan loves you!  you're giving him double overtime and nobody sees it!  he's working customer service at peak traffic times!!!!!!  hold please!!!!!!!!  listen to this machine!

5.  i need to leave this space blank to settle down.  brb...

6.  muscle milk.  "the soldier screwer" - no i will not buy your convenient little plastic bottle single serving protein shake with only 25 grams of protein for almost $4.  talk about taking advantage of a captured market!  i watch young soldiers all day walking about with these hell-shakes in their hands thinking not a thing of it.  look, i'm as well off as i could be right now and it makes me cry to watch privates who make next to nil get suckered into paying for this devil-fueled-marketing drink.  $4 for 25g of protein!?!?  you're out of your mind.  

*satan is your top marketing exec and takes no weekends off (secretly using Muscletech!).  

every flipping shirt looks like this!  i don't
care about your freaking 1987 est.!

7.  aeropostale.  - "the billboard t/abercrombie knockoff specialist"  look...i know your stuff looks the same.  well some of it...as a.eagle (also not my favorite) and A&F...BUT, if there is one thing i dislike in this world it is a copycat.  i wouldn't even like it if the word was copydog...and i love dogs.  anyway, your products are subpar in quality...decent in price, but you're basically asking me to sacrifice my integrity to sport your inferior wannabe rags.  and stop putting your name on 99% of everything you make...nobody outside a town of 4,000 people likes you.  unless...times are tight.  at that point, i'll just go to the local thrift store and buy elastic ankle gray sweats...hehe.  SEXYTIME!  ok, so the moral of the story is i strongly detest you aeropostale.  and what is aero?  you have nothing to do with planes.  you have everything to do with taking what everyone else is making, and making it worse.  hey, true story...i tried to fold (my mecca of peace) 3 of your tshirts the other day (for a friend who needs saving of course) and they don't even lay right!  the seams were off!!!!!

*satan is your stock boy...smiling hard at the sensual opening & stacking of each piece of pre-wrapped, over-produced, guaranteed to go on clearance in 3 days, crap.  

THE END.

as much as i'd love to pick on a few more...these ones really bite my whole grain waffles.  like i said, i am a fairly gentle, likable and friendly guy...it's just that, certain companies...(generally driven by marketing wizards ripping people off)...make me want to swat flies.  that's the most damage i could want to do to a non-guilty, living thing.  so that's what it does.  not just flies though...like masses of them.  or crickets.  yeah...crickets.  they chirp & i don't care if they're looking for love.

so this is the list.  if you frequent any of these vendors/services/whatevers...then i am sorry if i stepped on your toes...but i am TRYING to bring you to the light!  why?  because i love your saucy face!  and your dreamy hazel eyes & your unborn children!  cut the snake off at the head my friends.  these are not simple complaints...but rather justified concerns.

if this blog offended you...then you're soft...and probably know i'm right.  :)  which is why you're offended.  :)  :)  but, more than anything, lighten up and laugh nance!

ok...i need a shower now to cool my head off.  he almost got the best of me!  the next list must be seriously, like...rainbows & unicorns happy. 

big french kisses...

xx-sk 

p.s.  if you know anyone who is loyal to or subcribes to any one of these 6 companies, spread the word and set them free today!  they should get a kick in the conscience & a thorn in their tater tots when they read these ugly truths.

BABY NAMES & MAKING THEM

if the apple falling from your tree looks like this;
adoption is a very respectable option.

anyone who knows me, knows i have had a serious man-crush on baby names since i've been young...perhaps 3 or 4, but more likely 23 or 24. the biggest reason for this is because i think PROCREATION IS THE BEST! even though i've never experienced it, i just know it'll be the neatest thing ever ever. SOMEONE ONCE TOLD ME IT IS GREAT!

anyhoo...so, i mega love baby names. i think the coolest thing on earth that one human can do for another is to give him/her/it a fantasmatic trendolicious name. mind you, there is a very big difference between between unique & trendy, versus tacky & incomprehensible. let's not get out of line here!

look, many of you know that if i have triplet girls, i am going for pure class with their names. i want total elegeance. and because of that, i can't imagine a sweeter & friendlier trio of young ladies than a three-pack named Candy, Cinnamon & Cherry. someone also told me they all represent things that have sugary reference! the odds! and before you think you can stump me with a forth...trust me, i've got her titled too. if i had a fourth, her name would be Kitty. i know it ruins the C-section (get it!?...hey!), but when followed by certain vowel sounds, they can all sound like "KAH" or something of the phonetic sort. seriously though, imagine how popular they'd be in highschool >>> (aka) WHAT REALLY MATTERS.

jaundice almost sounds like a nice name in itself.
be the first to try it!

so on with it. the boring truth is that i like european names more than traditional american ones. i also prefer originality and some seriously old school flavor over blah blah blah "classics" like david, steven, bob, megan (sorry...i love you all) etc., etc. i want people to hear my child's name and have a small heart attack all over their face...for good or for bad reason, depending on how i choose to raise them. :)

so here is a list of A+ list (not just "A", A+) of elitist, smartpants, dancypants, artsypants, academia-endorsed, passion-boosted baby names...in the event that some of you out there have big plans to make little replica versions of yourselves. ra-ta-tat-tat! someone call the babysitter!

feel free to add/subtract/discuss/insult/vomit/fallinlove/etc./etc.

BOYS

emile
rhys
augusten / august(e)
grey
ezra
kasper
etienne
jasper
jude (middle)
finn
ephraim
carroll
penn (middle)
julien
phoenix (middle)
vaughan (middle)
camden (middle)
lennox
lucien
archer
lennon
kannon
cade
luca (middle)




GIRLS

ophelia
juliette
valentina
mathilde
amelie
charlotte
harper
piper
alice (middle)
aurelia
konstantine
english
verilly
marisol
brontë (middle)
penelope
elodie
josette
alessandra

some of these have been seen before by me, but this is a bit of a remix with some add-ons and what nots. enjoi your evening, and while you're at it...think about adding to the population.  ;)

xx-sk

THE LOVE LETTER CONFESSION

maybe the most appropriate thing to post considering the holiday.  probably one of the sweetest things ever written.  share with those who need to know how it can feel.  especially those who are settled into dead-end or uneven relationships.  if you feel something for him or her, why not make today the day when you let it go.  there's no time like the present my little birds & bees.  this might be lengthy, but definitely worth reading & gushing a bit.  it's valentine's day everybody...

i love this.  get wrapped up in words today.

THE LETTER...

dearest _______________, 

sometimes i sit here for 5 minutes asking myself...how should i even start this thing off? these notes are becoming so long & epic that i feel they need this fourth of july sparking intro...but alas...here is one where i start off plainly by saying - i miss you. some phrases don't ever lose their luster in my opinion. their shine never wears off because their weight is always powerful ya know? never fading...too much genuine meaning.

what a mushy start. uggh right? i told myself that i should take a quick break from ______________ conclusion (excellent movie!)...and not listen to my slow songs when i write you this because i know how my heart likes to go crazy. that is a bit of a confession, without much of a secret revealed. i must say that i'm still fighting the currents a bit when it comes to sharing emotions with you - about you. i am usually so eager to be an open book that keeping it a bit clutched with you has been challenging...but necessary i think. :P until now? here's a fact. your messages are just as awesome as mine. they have your unique flavor and not mine...and that's why i love them. if i wanted more of me...i'd clone myself (expensive & weird). i want more of you so...that's that. to add to that...i guess i should say that this message...even without my slow songs & _____________ echoes, will be a little more heartfelt than the others. or a lot. not that i don't always gush a bit toward you, but this one...maybe a tad more? that's your warning. that's your chance to run to the border...put on your fanciest velvet covered sombrero, pink flippers and swim the rio grande. :P don't do that. probably difficult to swim in a hat that large anyway...but on a serious note...i'm going to follow your advice and say how i feel because let's face it...i suck at hiding feelings. 

"________________" by ____________ just came on. great.

anyhoo...so yeah. i was initially going to wait to write this particular response...in hopes that you would miss me more by the day...play the make myself less available game. you know, we all miss people more when they're less available right? simple science. ;) anyway. but then i thought to myself...that's dumb. that's like...7th grade check yes or no romance kinda stuff. so i'm going to pretend to be my age for once in my life and skip over that quirky little hopscotch love. 

at the risk of you not wanting to really talk to me anymore, i'm going to take bold steps here and be brutally honest. i think it's only fair. that being said, i will never run the other direction from you. i want to be close to you too badly.

oh man...i better put tons of light-hearted humor at the end of this one! whew!

so the truth is that i am quite afraid that i will never meet another girl like you either. not that i'm a girl (anatomically proven)...but that was a reference to your last message. i can't say it much better than that. since i met you, i knew there was something about you that drew me in. and it did a pretty good job of making us both crazy for a good while. i remember fondly going back & forth like we were together when we weren't. i remember tossing & turning in bed thinking of ways to clear a path for you & i...only to ultimately fail. which is ok. :) everything happens for a reason...sometimes, you're not sure why...or why then...or why now...but they do. always. that's just faith really...knowing that your life was planned by God, and He's got ya covered. a very warm and comforting thought for sure. so, there was that time. i'm not trying to live totally in the past here...i'm moving forward...just be patient mmk? k. i have lots to write...you know this!

years later, i feel the same? minus the question mark. i feel the same. we have been physically and emotionally detached for 3-ish years and i am pretty much 100% positive that our funny little connection hasn't skipped a beat. i'm not assuming you have any romantic interest in me AT ALL...just that we miss each other's character...personalities...sense of humor. vitally important pieces of any people puzzle. tongue twister! physical attraction/affection is the easy part. when i say all of these things, please know that i'm not trying to woo you in a whiplash fashion or sweep you off your feet. i understand your situation (to some extent)...and am by no means trying to dive into a pool made for two. what i am doing though...is accepting the fact that i'll either die, or explode if i don't spill all of this fancy french oil out on your gulf of mexican heart sooner than later. eww...i sucked the sweetness out of that message with a bad political pun. and you're not mexican. double whammy.

rephrase. 

i am accepting the fact that if i don't share all of these heavy and honest emotions with you sooner or later...i'll crumble. it's going to come out. i'm me ya know? that and...i get a tiny sensation that you are becoming quite eager to hear from me...which is encouraging me to splurge a bit. which i think is good actually.

i'm sorry if there's no concrete clarity here, but i wanted to at least give you that much. i talked to one of my best female friends about you, and how i've always felt about you and she did a great thing by telling me it's obviously something very real...for me if nothing else...so put it out there. she reminded me also that i'm a great catch and i haven't much to lose...which helped a load. she there's that.

what sets you apart is that you make me laugh so effortlessly. if i die next to one woman...i want to die knowing she had me laughing along the entire ride. i think that far too many people take laughter for granted. it's electricity ya know? it's the power behind the love lines. when everything doesn't look like it used to...or doesn't function like it once did...you have your smiles, and laughs. you have that love...which trumps comfort every day of the year. comfort is a horrible foundation for true love...to me. maybe i'm straying a bit from the main road here, but i'm getting all jazzed up about something i'm very passionate about i guess. i suppose i should just come out and say it'd break my heart to think of you spending your entire life not laughing like you're about to burst at the seams. even if it's simple _____________ quotes!...you have to laugh. i've found in my many years of wishful dating that that is the one thing that really brings a couple close in the ugly times. it's funny...because God is like, the best comedian ever. because He makes us nuts...but loves us like a madman. and comedy to me...is the center of a constantly refreshed love. 

i should talk about something else. beating the guts out of that poor dead horse. 

my head/heart are kind of all over the place right now so please excuse the scrambled eggness of all of this. just know that it's all coming from an honest place.

here's what i've been wanting to say. i guess if i were to take up a huge stage and make some massive glittery romantic oration in front of tens of thousands, this is it.

but what i really want to say. what's been resonating in my chest for way too long...through thoughts of running with you, laughing with you, holding you (we did have that), talking to you about faith, loving our boys...through all of that...i can't stop but to think that you are my Mona Lisa. you are so rare...so one of a kind...so elite & valuable...so priceless and elegeant...so epic princess to me. to me you are a supermodel and the gal next door...the perfect gameday companion and the ideal motherly type. maybe i read you too fast...or skipped some pages, but i know all this about you. i have only felt similar about one girl in my life and i was right about her...and today, she's an amazing wife to a great guy, and now they're insanely happy. i want to be so poetic and flowery right now...dress this up in the finest fonts, but i can't say it any better than to me you're tragically special. i don't think you know how much so...or give yourself enough credit...or expect to be treated like a goddess...but i think you should. and please when you read goddess don't think i simply mean looks...please. you're obviously drop dead stunning...but that's definitely not the message i'm trying to send here. you're all of that to me though. you're the unicorn and the pot of gold and the fairytale wrapped into one. a million miles of stars.


the last bold thing i'll say is simple and feel free to hate me or correct me if i'm critically wrong, but i still think something might be missing on your end of the love spectrum? i'm not proposing to you or anything...but there is a great big buzzing in my chest that knows we have a certain shared interest and chemistry that is once in a lifetime kind of stuff. beyond comfort and not wanting change...it's ____________ kind of stuff. i don't think it would ever be difficult for us to have that. i think if we were together, and we "let go"...it wouldn't take long to want much more. sorry...eee...trying not to sound like a proposition. letting the feelings run a little wild. let me conclude this soaking topic...

i don't really know where anything goes from that big huge romantic monologue, but i felt like it was definitely worth saying...knowing that it came from the very deepest part of my heart. from here on you can treat me as you always have and pretend that you never read this...or accept that maybe there's a reason why you think that i'm one of a kind too and feel your way around it. either way, i will stay close. i'm a very leap of faith type and i know it's not an easy jump to follow...but i wanted you to know at least where i am on this wild, pounding map.

if i scared the life out of your whole entire being...i'm so sorry. i'm great at taking a solid "no thanks"...just go easy and drop some compliments in there? don't get me wrong...i'm not asking you to come running into my arms or to do anything majorly drastic anytime soon...i'm solely asking you to hear me out for now. that'll suffice. :) anything on top of that for me...is just bonus. so say, or don't say what you wish. i'm going to be a very encouraging, and loving friend to you as best as i can no matter what. i think you deserve the best of everything...so i will give you my best. it seems like in some areas, you don't get the support you should...so if i can even be that...fantastic.

i want to be funny and answer all your questions now but i'm feeling like the world's largest, disease-infested african mosquito ever just flew by and drained every ounce of blood out of my torso...lol, which would make it very hard to write. imagine my torso with no blood...arms pale and flailing about, like an elephant on ecstasy, with 2 trunks at a rave maybe? hmm...have to work on that one. 

i want to ask questions about you but this is longer than my rat-tail was when i was 8 and that's not okay. i made a lot of mexican males proud with that beast. not only that, but i think there's probably more than enough emotion to digest to hold you over for a good week or 57. i hope you take this with a smile and not a tear. in the end i really just want you to be outrageously happy. that's what matters most. i want you to be happy. 

i miss you.

yes, i love you too.

xxo/__________________

snail mail is more romantic.

"MATHILDE" the painting.

she's finished and uber glorious...just in time for vday (gush gush), even though i had to fight off naming her VALENTINA, which i actually like...i still love her.  this little pop-tart is 2x4ft, and for sale here.  there's a bit of a story behind this piece that's kind of fun to tell...but maybe only fun to listen if you're on your death bed.  :)

hope everyone loves...or at least likes.  4 layers of glaze give her shine...ten shades of pink give her the female flavor of the month.  share w/a friend if you think she's magnificent, or hideous and painfully overpriced...i don't care.  :P  'til soon passion peeps...

xx-sk

click on any image to enlarge.

2 NEW LISTS! R&B JAMS/CONCUSSION PERKS

to slide this one in before the buzzer, i've decided to add 2 new lists to the almightily growing "LISTS" page instead of writing some big chunky article on the front page.  they are as follows.

30 EPIC R&B HITS (to download or perish of unjazzyness)
&

not the kind of list i endorse!

THE 25 PERKS OF MY STAGE 3 CONCUSSION (to laugh at my expense)

read along with your eyes, have fun inside your head, smile with your face like it's 4th grade school photos & share like you just won an unlimited quantity of something for a year...even if it is cream corn or something eery like that.

if you're having a hard time finding the "LISTS" link...just look up about 4.5 inches on your screen and there she be willow tree!  go go...go now & make your family proud.

xx-sk

SPECIAL SHOUT OUT: to my boy b.eldridge for encouraging these filthy silky r&b hits.  i thrive off of encouragement like anyone else.