Tuesday, October 30, 2012


it has been perhaps beyond forever since i've touched on a topic so heavy as true love...but oh how i have missed it so.  sometimes you need something major to trigger it.  sometimes you need to run into a wall and ask yourself, "what on earth am i doing?".  sometimes you need to find it.

and so it is.  true love.  it still exists.


even in the muck of today's harsh world and sometimes anti-true romance society...it is there.  but you have to want it SO bad.  you have to want it more than comfort...more than convenience and more than "it works, we don't really fight".  comfort and convenience playing the roles of Evil A and Evil B.  it's heartbreaking to watch so many people (literally) settle down because they're not willing to put in the effort and/or faith to have IT.

you have to believe in it, or it's probably not going to happen for you.

you have to be patient for it, or it's probably not going to happen for you.

you have to have faith in it.

99.9% of the time, if you don't believe something's going to come to life...it just won’t.

so the moral of this story isn't that true love is still out there.  it is.  and the moral is not that you have to be patient and have faith...because you still do.  but the moral is that differences in love are actually GOOD.  healthy even.  to some, this is SO adverse to what they're accustomed to thinking.  i used to be one of these guilty parties, and here is why...

i used to believe that wow...i am too different to fall in love with this person.  we are too opposite in so many ways, how could it ever work?  there's too much to overcome...there's not enough in common, we don't see eye-to-eye on this issue or that.  and before you know it, you've convinced yourself out of love before giving yourself the chance to fall into it.

have you ever done that?  i think you maybe have.  so many do, and it's natural i think.  but i think we do for one ginormous reason.

our natural reaction to a potential friend or lover who is at first, not so much like we are is to flee or push them away.  even if we're physically not gesturing them out of our lives or trying to find ways to create actual space...i think we do it in our hearts and minds.  we keep those differences at the forefront because we naturally want to spend time with people like us.  people who like what we like.  people who think like we think.  people who love to do what we love to do.  that…is human nature.

BUT.  here is the catch.  and i found this myself.  and i've found it the hard way.

you have to want this. 
differences can be the difference between a good love and a GREAT love.  you need them.  and if you ignore them, they will backfire on you and eat you alive.  you're like...of course we have differences.  BUT, are you celebrating them?  are you using them to your advantage?  i know i haven't always done that.  and maybe that's why i'm still single, but here's what...

instead of looking at a difference and assuming you can't be with this person or that, take that difference and use it to show them how much you love and appreciate them.  it's easy to love someone for the way they are...but do they know how much passion you really have for them?

do they know you'd go to the ends of the earth for them?  you would give it all away for them.  you would die for them…

saying “i love you” is one thing.  and it's a beautiful thing to say.  sometimes it feels like the weight of the world rushing through your chest.  sometimes it feels empty like a hollow tree.  and we will always say “i love you”.  because THAT'S WHAT YOU DO in relationships.  but let's go beyond that.  why not?

what i'm about to write sounds so simple and easy...but do you do it?

i want you to take hold of this and cling to it with your life.  as if the fantastic marriage of your teenage dreams depended on it.

here is the winning recipe.  i can write it, because i have learned it with a crunched heart and i know it holds the purest water.

 so.  you're different.  we all are.  now, take that THING, that whatever it is that you don't have in common, highlight it in your heart, and show them that you love them more than that difference.  make it visible.  make them feel it.  make them see it, taste it, touch it.

it feels like time for a few absolutely concrete examples.  

it’s time to involve the senses.  something to apply to your own life...to envision yourself in these shoes, RUNNING.  and whether there's a small ember glowing behind your ribs for him/her, or whether there's a raging fire waiting to break out...here is a very plain example of how to set things ablaze.

take this, and love on it.  learn from it.  use it.

so say she loves fishing and you don't.  nothing wrong with that.  it's just not your thing and she grew up with it.  now, instead of just tolerating it...accepting her for it, why not jump at the chance to show her that you love her that much more than your dissimilarity?  this is a golden opportunity to showcase your love for her.  this is a difference waiting to be transformed into the next log on that fireplace of passion.  so you not only suggest you go fishing together, but why not make a day of it?  go big you know?  why not gear up and have a blast with it?  this is your big shot to show her that no matter who she is, you're willing to have fun doing what SHE loves.  and if you get flustered or find yourself upset that the big one keeps getting away, laugh it off and put your affection for her on display.  you might not become a pro at her thing overnight, but she’ll see you trying and  she means more to you than doing any other thing you might rather be doing.  that's love folks.  that's sacrifice.  and that's totally healthy.

sleep face to face even if it hurts your back...because that's what she likes.  try the foods she loves even if you can’t taste them – because it means THAT much to her.  do a few laps around a farmers’ market even if you’ve never been a huge vegetable fan.  watch football every saturday with him for 12 weeks, because in some states, that's just what you do.  shop together and show patience.  take a massive hike over the island in 95 degree weather four times even if you’ve never wanted to hike one inch.  and smile with her while you do it. 

it’s so easy to suggest activities that you have in common.  there is no big love on display there.  this is different.

you take turns you know?  it's about give and take.  that's love.

it can be like this.
love comes with differences, and that's the best part.  it gives you a chance to sacrifice.  it gives you an opportunity to give up something you love for the one that you love.  and if you meet someone who you think doesn’t have those contrasting qualities, then you’re wrong.  that’s the thing.  we’re all people and none of us are alike.  so whether these dissimilarities are apparent from the start, or whether they sneak up on you later, they’ll always be there. 

and before things get twisted, this isn't hoping someone will change.  it's certainly not that and it's not trying to change someone.

it is, accepting that two people can never be the same, BUT, two people can love each other so much that they're willing to stretch themselves for the one they love most.  and I just can't say it enough, but that's what love is. 

your love is bigger than food preference, hobbies and even childhood games.

like I said, it's sweet to tell someone you love them, but when is the last time you REALLY showed it?

whoever said "talk is cheap" knew that true love has an unlimited budget of show, show, show.  do it you know?

find out what they love that you don't and make a big deal out of it.  showcase their uniqueness and appreciate that they're not the same as you.  I mean, would you REALLY want to fall into absolute love with yourself?  no way.  and you fall in love with that person because they're a sweet little blend of a little bit like you, a little bit not, and a little bit of in between.

it's up to you to go out of your way to celebrate their specialness.  what makes them different, is what sets them apart.  and you love her/him for that.  and you cling to that and showcase it until it hurts.  because true love never stops trying.

never stop trying.
never stop trying.
never stop trying.

never ever stop trying to impress the woman/man that you love.
because when you do, the rust will come.

so take a minute today.  maybe a few and perhaps even write a few of the things down that make your guy/gal special in their own way.  find those things that have nothing to do with what you like/love and make them YOUR (as a couple) thing.  show them that you're in love with ALL of who they are.

NOT just the parts that you have in common, or the areas in which you're alike. love all of her/him.

love them hard and do it with passion.

find those things and celebrate her/him.  you maybe haven't considered it, but he/she might be waiting to burst with fireworks.  they're waiting just there.

just, right…there.

spread the love everyone.  lights out, xx-sk.