Monday, January 31, 2011


i apologize for the sag in posting over the last couple days.  between eyeball attacks (imagine four highly energized kittens with their razor claws out playing tag mixed with the beginning stages of cardiac arrest inside of your cornea) and recovering from rockstar, pizza & twizzlers (naughty steven)...i am in full recovery mode and back at 82% strength.  i feel like disco dancing...don't you?

when the eyeball attacks, run for your red-blazer life

after thinking about it...i want to create a central theme for tonight's blog posting, and then...just now, one milisecond after typing that line you see above...i don't know if i can do it.  my mind is a bit scattered.

i did want to thank anyone who has consumed their very real life minutes by clicking on this log of B and seeing what i have to think/say/gargle on about...that's delightful of you.  i want to kiss your face and call you with the title of a relative...but i can't.  maybe on skype we could set something up.  i like you.  anyway, almost half a thousand views in one week...that makes me kinda happy, and confused...and sparkly feeling.  good thing i got the plastic sheets for my bed.  they make the neatest sounds when i'm tossing, turning and writhing thru the night with my very unspecial eye ambushery.

watching Man on Fire and pounding ibuprofen as we speak...or are we speaking?  we are not speaking.  as i type...i should have said.  i might be getting ahead of myself by staring at this screen for such lengthy amounts of time, but i'm a big tough french guy and i'm custom-built to overcome such life hurdles.  make your jokes...or if your last name is Ruelas, make your yokes...hehe.  also i am not physically pounding the ibuprofen because that would either A: make a mess or B: look like i'm setting myself up a sweet line of coke, which i'm not.  it is monday night people.

this post should be about 3 things.  love, spooning and computer backgrounds.  i am sorry if none of these intrigue you.  if they don't...you are bad at everything.

topics in old school st. charles elementary outline style...#redwings #gangsterstatus

a.  love.

love is funny and strange.  it is complicated and simple...it will sweep you off your feet and bodyslam you teeth down onto the pavement.  but love is wonderful because it is the only thing that can destroy you time and time again, but keep you coming back.

i'm discussing this because my love life is somewhat public at times...i don't mind putting my feelings/emotions out there for criticism, comedy or dissection.  i like to learn from other people's tales and they ...i think maybe, like to take something from my failures?  it's good to fail...that's how we learn from each other...so just think, everytime you fail at love, smile huge in knowing that you provided your friends/fam or some hairy-chested stranger with an example of WHAT NOT TO DO.  good on you!  we all have to learn from somewhere/someone.  might as well be you.  :)  that is turning a sad face into one that is only kinda sad.  maybe this one. >>>  :/

love though...love.  just when you think you have it figured out, it chews you up like a Charleston Chew (that's been sitting on the candy shelf for 4 &1/2 years, constantly getting passed over by every other superior sugary product) and projectile vomits you across the convenience store only to be mopped up by some foreigner with some wild accent whose name only 3 people can pronounce right.  not that there's anything wrong with any of that.  alas, in the past couple of months, i have learned a few things about love.  they sound like rules.  if you don't memorize them, i'm telling the adolf hitler look alike who works at my gym.

1.  do NOT underestimate laughter in love.  you have to laugh, and you have to be with someone who can make you laugh.  i for one find that if i'm making myself laugh more than the other person is...then that's no bueno mi amigo.
2.  do NOT underestimate quirks.  i love quirks.  i say this to a lot of people and most of my closests (like the new word there?) know this about me.  i might not be the quirkiest or most interesting guy on the planet (i should at least be in your top 150 or so)...but i definitely crave that in others.  generally, everyone close to me sticks out a bit in any crowd because they have that awkward, but entertaining and beautiful side about them.  if the person you love doesn't amuse you, how could they possibly be your muse?  get it??  ahh!  genius!  someone tell ken jennings!
3.  do NOT expect to change.  i always think i'm going to be this different person, but i'm not.  i mean, we all change gradually in time...but we don't change much.  we make concessions and excuses for why this is okay, or why that is no big deal because we can "adjust" or "adapt", but really...don't expect yourself to change.  i am guilty of this one all the time.  in friendship, family...in love stuff.  we all evolve, but we don't change much.  remember that cavemen...and cavewomen
4.  love is still the only war worth fighting for.

b.  spooning 2.0  

this is obviously the updated version because i put a "2.0" after it.  that being said, i want to say that it's okay to be a manly man and like to be the little spoon once in a good while.  i think it's precious.  call me what you want...but on a scale of manliness (i JUST finished taking the online test) i actually graded out at a 98.7% manly on the 1-100 scale.  i guess it docked me a few points (unfair, racist, sexist) for the 400 Notebook viewings and the fancy underwear, but you know what...some neanderthal named DROG probably wrote it right after he finished dragging his sweet lady across the hilltop while hunting triceratops with his barehands.  that's like, a guaranteed 100%...so who am i to judge.

what i was saying though.  switch it up once in a while.  it's sweet i think.  if you're the kind of man that feels insecure with this one, i say let her have the skirt back and don't be afraid to show your soft side here and there.  most gals will probably appreciate it and find it endearing.  if they don't, there's always divorce...haha...so jk.

c.  computer backgrounds

speaking of manliness, nothing screams testosterone like having african safari beast legends eating each other on your computer's background.  if you need a switchup from Ryan & Rachel france kissing in the rain...or that one small island in the middle of the turqoise water scene with that one distinguished palm tree (you know which one i'm talking about) that has been a computer staple for the last 47 years...then i have a few sahara-frosted treasures here for you to choose from.  do it.  i want you to.  mmm...

mixed company dinner banquet

carry out for one

the #2, "Carnivore's Delight"

now that you're all disgusted or carefully choosing (i hope this one!)...i must wish you all adieu for the evening.  i'm a wee bit exhausted, tired & fatigued...and a shade bit worn out, a tad drained.

some going away thoughts i don't have time to fully discuss:
*if you like scores, Braveheart will take your breath away.
*if you want to start a new gangster jive language with me, let's be in talks soon
*if you want more news about my grandma, you have to ask, she's high demand
*another one of my poems hit the 1,000 read mark, very rad brad, it's up there ^^^
*call me unfair, but to me the loofah will always be gay when a man uses it, even if i do
*turkey bacon is always the better option
*the army can and will make you think like a caveman if you let it
*what does anyone want me to write about?  i have thoughts and strong opinions on everything i think
*if you plan to buy her roses, slap yourself, get something unique
*satan still works part-time at wal-mart, applebees, subway and verizon (future blog right here)

amen, goodnight, i love all of you and your honeysuckled faces.


Thursday, January 27, 2011


hello lovers, fighters, cereal killers & part-time magicians...

i have a dull treat for you while my eyeballs continue to heal and i can't really type much.

some of you associate me with poetry, some with the army...some paintings, sadness, ohio, whatever...it all depends on how i met you (craigslist friend seek ad most likely)...or where.  every tale is unique of course seahorse!  alas...i'm itching about photography lately and miss it very much.  i would love to shoot another female...but who knows.  that's neither here nor there.  i'm taking the day off of writing to post some of my favorite fotos of all-time.  none of them are amazing, but they're all uniquely mine and i figured...if you haven't seen anything i've captured with my nimble little nikon, here is some eye nutrition for you.  i tried for the most part to choose some that aren't already for sale/viewing via some other e-avenue.

random variety...there is no theme here.  just pure delightfulness.


i need to get around more.  these fotos are old news...time to travel some.

Monday, January 24, 2011


#2 post.  look how far we've come!...jk, haha.  so...

i am in this zone where i'm not really sure what to write about besides my recent, and nostalgiac infatuation with flat top haircuts.  it comes and goes like the tide of the oceans...so i'll start with the site's new additions since they're brand spanking new, as opposed to old spanking new?  whoever brand is, they've been getting to dish out all the punishment for centuries...whilst new has been taking a beating for ages.  get it?...brand, spanking new?  lame steven, just lame...but oddly enough, my favorite rock band ever is Brand New.  soooooo good.

before i dribble on, i had this epiphany last night that broke my heart.  i was like, who's going to come here and care about what i'm listening to, writing, painting, watching, reading, etc. if they don't find me that interesting in the first place?????  then i picked up the four pieces of my heart (it split freakishly clean into the four ventricles actually) and put them back together with chewing gum bits and some quick drying oatmeal (abusive to wash out of bowls once dry)...and said to myself.  well...mom usually has a few minutes free.  and then, well...that was it.  and i cried some, and when i realized that my pillow case felt like it had been hand-dipped (like the tough ice cream) in the dead sea, i stopped because that's just embarrassing for a grown man.

which is funny because every time i go to some wildly over-priced ice cream parlor of sorts (or P-A-R-L-O-U-R if you want to be an elitist about it) in some ritzy town and decide to take out a loan and get 2 scoops of whatever i cannot taste, i watch these 95lb. emaciated 16 year old part-timers trying to scrape said frozen treat out of the circular cardboard bin or whatever...and i say to myself...wow, that appears to be a seriously effective tricep workout.  when i watch them scooping with all of their life, and their veins are popping out of their forearms and their jugular looks like it's about to shoot out of their neck...i can't help but to appreciate the effort and calorie burn they're getting from their $8/hr slave job.  i love it.  well worth the small loan & tourist-price-grimace i'm sure i can't help but give off.  so funny.

every single time i fold a stack of tshirts, i feel like it should be recognized for its beauty and somehow honored via social networking.  henceforth, here is probably the 17th picture i've sent or showed to someone of yet another unfortunately (seriously what a waste of time) flawless pile of fabric rectangles.  it's actually a waste of everyone's time once i start sharing...so here it is again and i apologize.  the almighty and mightily heralded tshirt stack.  i also apologize for the size of the photo but i figured since it's kind of fuzzy (you navel you), i'd blow it up in your face.  i called you a belly-button.  nah nah

absolute folding glory before your very eyes.

so i'm still working on adding shiny new gadgets and fancy tools to this page.  none of them will be too mind-blowing unless i can manage to get some (level difficult) crossword puzzles on here or a streaming foto-log of images of paul crumrine with his flat-tops or...hey wait, 

does anyone else remember H-Town's, "Knockin' Da Boots"?  maybe it's just me but i've still yet to figure out the fascination with a song about two people smashing their heavy, leather footwear into each other's.  maybe i'm just stupid, or perhaps it's the army in me...and that i wear them everyday, but it'd be pretty incredible if someone could be so kind as to explain this to me Sesame Street style so that i don't miss the message.  i encourage you all to download it right now if you're not familiar with this track's 1991 greatness.

if you forgot how awesome Orgy's music videos were...i dare you to check it out.  TRIPLE DOG!

lastly, if you didn't know...i can sing like Keith Sweat like it's nobody's business.  if you think i'm kidding...pay me $20 and i'll skype concert you 2 songs of your choice in a silk robe (additional tracks will be $5 each).  i'm legit...i should be doing cover shows laid back in the cut.

now i must then make a favorite R&B songs list!!!!!!!!  VERY EXCITE!!!!!!!!  check back for that very very soon.  #gangsterstatus

before i get going to watch my nightly flicks, eat dry as sawdust popcorn or break dance in my 4x8 kitchen, i should at least say what i've added to the page if you didn't notice (RASCAL x5000!).  i've put up top left the 6 poems that i've written that have been read over 1,000 times each per pathetic.org.  "goldengate" is actually at about 2,000 which is pretty rad...though it baffles me every time someone clicks on something i wrote like...wait, there's so many things to do in the world...and this person is reading MY poetry?  eh?  it's a delightful thing though...so if you wish to follow suit, feel free to click on 1 or 6 of them.  one is violent, one is sexy, one is about magic, one is sad, i dunno...they're whatever.  ALSO, i've added a small little icon of one of my laptop skins that you can purchase at society6.  there's iPhone cases, prints (11x17 up to 40-some inches i think), stretched canvases (think a huge photographic image on a painting canvas), a couple hoodies and some other random stuff you can check out.  it's all good neighborhood!

i'm having eyeballs surgery tomorrow morning!  AH!!  that means i have to make my treasured R&B list tonight!  all over that.  yummy.

i should get going now though...this has blabbed on far too long and i'm afraid only the single and friendless will actually take the time to read all of this.  :/  



Sunday, January 23, 2011


so tired x1000.  i have been slaving on this wild turkey blog for literally 9.5 hours straight tonight (even if it looks like 15 minutes) and i'm feeling a bit like throwing my computer into the neighbor's bathtub, but i shalln't.

i don't know that many people will come here right away to see much...though i've connected all 487 links to my e-life on here for comprehensiveness' sake.  it beats telling people to go here, do this, do that, go do a disco dance (fun), make me a ham sandwich, blah blah blah.  now it's ALL right here.  sigh of relief!

me dead tired and dying of tiredness
currently everything is flowing pretty smooth.  the site is pretty bare basics and needs some serious TLC in the looks dept., but for now...this'll suffice.  there really is one load of madness here to poke around i suppose.  still so much to add.  suggestions!?

i want to gouge my eyes out with sporks...

but i'm thrilled to be done!  so far.  i'm going to rollerskate around some and maybe rent something expensive to destroy in celebration.  not really.

please do come by often and say hello though.  i'm no longer going to be posting my fun (ok, maybe not) notes on facebook with the essays and lists and all that jazzmatazz.  because i'm a listomaniac, i'll just do us all a big medium rare juicy favor right now and list below the massive sausage linkage going on with this new page.

now you can check out my books, streaming music, paintings, dumb twitter updates, poetry, playlists,  photostream, lifelists, faves, food stuffs, travel bits, oh man...it's all on the front page.  you look.  i'm tired...lol.  play around a bit and feel free to insult me to the highest degree if i've left something critical out.  even the tags are all connected to something.  i had to re-do the tags 3x so do me a big beefy favor and at least click on 2 or 3 for pity's sake.  in the name of arthritis and carpel tunnel perhaps.

this site is mainly a toy for now but will serve as my primary means of staying in touch with the normal people's world when i deploy to afghanistan in june/july.  easier than sending everyone three letters a week reminding them that i haven't died yet.  :)  then it should be primarily a blog about work and how awesome the afghans are and how i'm mutating into a pile of dirt wearing a man-dress.

a couple of things i'd like to add...fyi sorta thing here, before i become truly content with the site are as follows: more organized paintings/photography galleries, a couple of sample diets for some of yoots who are trying to drop a few lbs. or get shredded like pulled pork, a better name graphic, fun things about grandma, a better poetry catalogue, a lot of the random mess that's been sitting on my computer for awhile, some sort of friend-interconnecting jabberwock & more statistics so people can admire the fact that i watch the exact same movies and listen to the same songs, eat the same exact foods & read the same books over and over and over again.

do spread the love my little peanut butter knives.  i don't expect more than 2.5 (round up on good ones, down on slow ones) visitors a week...but if you share this, i'd love to meet some more friendly faces and share some of my creative rubbish with theirs, whether it be unfortunately bad writing or highly unskilled paintings...it'd be nice.  i'd like to kiss your forehead once in a while really.

so tired.  so this is my blog.  i hope you like it...i hope you find something about me that doesn't repulse you.  if you don't, i won't be sad or anything, i'll probably just find you and make you pay gravely...haha.  and i'll probably pour honey all over your bedsheets and door knobs truthfully.

going to sleep.  share the secret sauce and i'll keep the steak comin' baby.  


(7 meat references = impressive)