Tuesday, March 8, 2011


although i must confess that i do not have the energy of 70 verile young bulls to write a paragraph of detail logic about each of our great 50 states...i am going to do my best to sum it up here in 1,000 wordsish or less...or more, i really have no idea.  i never pay attention to how much i write.

this is not news.
another although...yes yes, i realize that some states may receive a bit more verbal affection than others, my rating is true to my guts and if you don't believe me...disembowel me and do the math.  there will be a neat little map coated with bile and gastric fluids just for you.  graphic...

but yes, as you all know, i have an opinion of everything which is why i love lists and it's so easy for me to make as many lists as 60's catholic families did kids.   also, i've lived in 5 of these badboys and visited over 30, so it's easy for me to say that my words carry a little bit of weight.  like...a small picnic basket at least.  with wine & chocolate covered strawberries inside...OH!...romance is in the air lovebirds.  spring is around the corner indeed!  but seriously, how are chocolate covered strawberries even romantic?  they seem so awkward to eat and when people feed them to each other on Blind Date, i always feel like i'm watching two shameless zebras having sex at the zoo, surrounded by children or something.  i dunno...ugh.  yuck.  anyhoo...

alas, i shalln't have my typical 40-line opener to prolong the anticipation.  i'm honestly too tired for that and you're too good for waiting.  tell the dmv i said that too...i guarantee results.  if you don't believe me, ask for gladys.

from 1-50 because you know...there really is zero question as to my number one.  the rest is where the questions lie...hmm...are you licking your chops?  sicko...

THE GREAT 50 STATES.  my favorite, on down to the least.

short north is a serious trendster spot
in downtown cbus.
#1)  OHIO.  - before i even get started, chew my shorts.  i can feel your criticisms and doubts through my screen burning laserbeam holes in my retinae!  put your glares away and listen up.  for those of you who aren't so blessed to know how mind-numbingly incredible ohio is, this is your chance to get edumucated.

put your headphones and garden salsa sunchips down my growing little gardeners...here we go.

ohio is the bestest.  ohio has all the seasons, never gets disgustingly hot in the summer...and only gets a wee bit frosty in the winter.  mind you, my father was 10% polar bear and 8% otter (i never thought i would feel comfortable sharing this)...which makes me 9% cold-blooded animal, so i have a scientific edge here.  nonetheless, i enjoy layering clothing and fireplace nights when my family pulls out the air mattress and we see how many of us can spoon at once without falling off.  we call that game "seagulls on the buoy".  no matter.  so that's the weather portion.

ohio university, you make my heart disco dance.
ohio also has the most rollercoasters at one park in the world - cedar point.  including the largest roller coaster in the world.  columbus is pretty much the best thing since the wheel and adult diapers.  people never believe me when i say it, but it's a very young professional, collegiate & artsy kind of city.  the music scene is outrageous.  columbus is the midwest's version of san francisco or seattle i think.  it also has some of the sweetest districts & neighborhoods - and a mall (easton) that feels like an ongoing fashion show with enough good looking people to make any solid 8 or 9 feel self-conscious.  can you even put a price on that???  see more about columbus in my 5 favorite cities post...or i'll never stop.
cinci's bright lights.

cincinnati has some pretty fresh, upscale areas.

ohio has some serious thug passion if you feel like getting shot at or checking your trust and faith in your door locks or window security.  i.e.  see: dayton, akron, lima (where i grew up, seriously), toledo, east cleveland & youngstown (if you choose to visit this last one, i'll seriously pray for you).  every now and then i like to sag my pants, put on 7 or 8 fake gold chains and see how many houses i can walk past before i need to change my undershorts.

lima's really pretty this time of year.
halle berry is from ohio.  she's pretty much elite status.  the black keys rep the O too, and maybe 90% of the hipster music scene loves them right now.  nine inch nails, ulysses grant, the golden voice, jeffrey dahmer, marilyn manson...etc, my keyboard will burn out if i list all of the amazing citizens of this unparalleled state.

ohio university is beautiful (ahh, my sweet sweet school), ohio state university is awesome, miami is nice and bowling green is an absolute pile of trash...so we have variety there.

what else do i need to say?  seriously?  i'm just getting warmed up but i feel like i should move on before everyone begins to detest my beloved state...so i'd best move on.

visiting youngstown?
 run for your life.  

#2 - #50)  EVERYONE ELSE.  that's how much separation there is.  eat my grits.

sorry lori davis, but i liked this moose first.

my apologies if this was about as exciting as trying to fix the ice maker in your freezer...i thought it was fun.  :)
goodnight goodnight, much love to everyone....xx-sk