Thursday, February 24, 2011


kiss her somewhere different.
my apologies for dropping old news on some of you but on a scale from 1-100, i would give my day a .06, give or take ten hundredths of a point.  suuuuuuuuuck (9 u's, that says a lot).  the good news is (besides the fact that my blood work came back HIV-free...and no it's not okay to be surprised)...that i have been brewing up some ridiculously delicious & drinkable lists for the next couple of days for my crew of listomaniacs.  i laugh out loud to myself JUST THINKING about the content of this one i hope to put up tomorrow night.  maybe i'll double write tonight...hmm...

not the organ magic i was referring to.
also, i made a deal with some very sweet people...some who are higher in fructose corn syrup than high fructose corn syrup itself!  imagine that!  it's like a magic trick in your intestines!

this blog essay though...i know, blah bleh...is maybe my favorite thing i've ever written because i feel strongliest (eh?  eh?) about the subject matter.  but, but, but x it off your screen (if you have no spirit inside of your flesh) if your belly is full and you're not up for leftovers.

i should edit it though...soon!  nonetheless...this blog is one that needs some major sharing and caring.  it needs your grizzly bear hugs & deep french kisses - even though the wacko army is trying to rust over my soft, loverboy side...i am still a very firm (yes, like your pillow's & mattress) believer in this philosophy of FEELERS vs. THINKERS.

so here goes.  i think we could all use this one once in a while.

even has a double intro!  on with it...

intro pt. 2

hey you lovers, sailors, sons of God and sunshine eaters: following is a belated Christmas gift to you from me. i am a rascal i know for being late, but Santa gave me a fifty and a 4 pack of diet rockstars, so i mustn't have been too bad. anyhoo, following is a new/old note of mine on true love and the ongoing, epic and eternal battle of feelers vs. thinkers. it is an excerpt from my (mostly) poetry book "electronic Vietnam". if you like it, stop being cheap and buy my book...OR go sing it at the top of the hills to the entire town so that everyone can fall in love like some wild potion in a bottle shaped like an arrow got spread around by the local cleric who may have been disguised as cupid himself. here it is. i hope you like it...feel free to join in on a debate, tell me i suck at life and love, or send me your favourite cardiogram. all my love,

the essay,  

let go.
feelers vs. thinkers

i am a feeler...i've lost half of my senses and it seems that touch and feel have never mattered more. i feel things out. i feel like this, i feel like that. i try not to think too much. don't think too much.  i once dated a girl...i'll leave her name out, many of you know who she is. we fell in love. notebook type love with burning passion, reckless pick-up kisses, endless conversation about the stars and slow dance kitchen cooking. it had every ingredient to the perfect romance. it felt like heaven. it felt real. it was real. for 9 months straight, every hug, hand-hold, minute spent spooning was just as good as the first. it took off like a rocket. it sailed on with the same fire every single day until its end. it was almost surreal...except it was. it had to have sounded impossible...but it wasn't. we inspired people. you could see it on their faces. true love is inspiring. it makes other people want what you have. we had a shared faith...that came and went. when we were together, we believed in falling for each other. she wanted to marry every day, i wanted the same. when we weren't together, she believed in finance & comfort. the distance gave her space to let her heart slow down. she used to ask me to listen to her heart beat. i used to listen to it. it was so loud. sometimes so fast. i would have her do the same. sometimes i saw it pounding through my shirt. true thing. i will come back to her...the best thing about feelings is that they are one of the few things in the world that cannot lie. they don't lie. feelings are always 100% honest in that you had them, and therefore they were real. feelings are processed snapshots of the heart. feelings are ten thousand times more important than thoughts. feelings come from the heart. feelings are more valuable. feelings are life. if you make decisions from your heart, regardless of the consequential pain or frustration they may cause they will ALWAYS be more pure and genuine than decisions made from your brain. 

your heart is where all the good stuff rests. 

your brain is where you pick things apart and analyze where your heart lets you feel. in life, our feelings take us on exciting journeys. our thoughts rationalize. this is why it's so important to make decisions from your heart. you will never get where your heart wants you to be (important) by constantly following your head. of course you have to sail with some caution of the winds, but the best travels you'll take in this life will birth in your chest. follow it.

overthink an urge. do not overthink an urge. you can think an emotion to death...take the risk. sometimes in life you have to fall on your face to realize how good it feels to be standing strong. time is a beautiful doctor who will heal all wounds eventually and God will take care of the rest. if you lead with your heart, you will probably get crushed once or twice or ten times, but you will certainly know what it is like to feel.

i would rather ride the rollercoaster of feeling and have some electric ups with some major downs than sit still and feel close to nothing at all. i have met a thousand people who are living in next to numb relationships. this is sad. most of you know what this feels like, to not feel. 

if you're comfortable, you're not growing. 

i love this line. if comfort is the defining quality of your relationship, you're probably done growing. don't let this happen. don't let the comfort flu take over you & if it does, say goodbye and take the next train to looking for something more alive. scared people settle for comfort. weak and scared people. these people aren't bad, but they are afraid...and that's natural. just don't let it grip you for too long because life on earth really is quite short. how many of these years do you really want to spend in an average lovespell? after a few years of my own, i now say zero.

you know, in love i feel like it's called settling down for a reason. because the majority of people literally settle down, as in not reaching for the highest star. as in, taking what is there, and not searching for what could be. true love is both light years away and at the tip of your fingers. a simple complexity to digest for sure. what path you take to get there is for the most part up to you. some people are burning up in passion and will have it soon. some people are willing to let their entire life tick away in complacency just to watch the sparks pass by time and time again. don't let your clocks get the best of you.

back to the girl who said goodbye. funny how her mom was obsessed with clocks. when she distanced herself from me, in time, she let her thoughts take over the show. when she was around me, she was forced to feel. she even told me that she couldn't be close to me because it made her feel too much. wow. if that's doesn't say it all, nothing will. amazing how one november weekend we were together having the time of our lives, laughing hard and running in the rain...she was asking me if we could go get married on a lazy saturday afternoon. she seemed so free & alive. three days later, she doesn't love me like i love her. over & done. as soon as she stepped into her car to head back to her city, my voice became static radio and my touch disappeared. she didn't have to feel anymore because she was literally and emotionally distancing herself from me. i was never "safe" enough for her. she called me a "dreamer" and said it felt reckless to feel her way through. heartbreaking. a true blessing that we're not together though, because i'm not sure that she'll ever let the free side of herself out again and besides, she's happily married now and i'm thrilled for her. amazing girl regardless. on with it...

if you spend your entire life pushing these emotions away, you're going to go numb. it starts in your chest or it doesn't start at all. you can feel your way through the maze and grow in discomfort or you can sit and watch as the world goes by. people try to think themselves into love. that's going to fail a thousand times over and again. you cannot wish yourself into true love. you have to let the emotions in. you're going to be thinking your life away. you're going to be without emotion. don't train your heart to stop beating because you'll die.

diesel jeans would say “only the brave”. i doubt they're referring to true love, but i can apply. the fact is that SO FEW OF US ARE ACTUALLY BRAVE enough to go out and seek the one thing everyone else wishes they had. how many people do you know that wish they were strong enough to leave what they have to get what they wish they had. i know a million. people will read this and say, that is me. or that is my best friend or mom or daughter or neighbor. so what are you then? if you've already found true love, then enjoy your movie scenes. enjoy your airport kisses and makeout sessions for breakfast. take time out of your day to relive the struggles it took you to get there, smile pretty and then share your story because our society is weak. we're generally weak by nature. so then, bravery is special. bravery is dying in war as well as stepping aside your scared self and taking the leap. either way, you're facing fears and living hard. i love that. you have to love that. you gotta want that. that jaw-clinching moment, staring in the sun, telling yourself you want it all.

either you're living the brave life and following your random heart or you're barely breathing. the path has no promises, but adventure is the only thing that makes for a story.

storybook romance, fairytale love. real things that you can have. real things that everyone wants, but so few have. 

lift the safe off of your chest and let your heart guide you. you're not protecting anything if you've got nothing worth protecting. 

let go & love.

animals are primarily feelers.  lions doing it right.


  1. the Zen of finding "balance" is not the same as "settling" or "complacenccy."
    It's fine to live your life as the perpertual "Kite" on a manic love high,
    but it's up to all the others to pick up the pieces and "ground" the world
    with the messy details of day to day life.

    Do we want pedophiles and other disturbed people to "follow their dreams" and
    "feel" their way through life? I don't think so....

    Do you really expect emergency personnel, military or police to live their
    lives as you describe? ridiculous...

    On the other hand, is it essential to "feel" and risk yourself emotianally,
    to find fulfillment in life?....a definite yes...

    So good luck with finding "balance" as you walk your walk through life's ups
    and downs.

    The mind is the string to your kite. Good luck balancing all that life has to give!

  2. GR - It is o.k. to use your brain just enough to know that Steve wasn't talking about sociopaths and pedophiles.